Ask Audrey: She wants to put you in a cheap nursing home, we’re talking retired postmen

Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for ages...

Hi, we’re going on holidays to France with my sister and her husband this year. They’re as cheap as trainee hairdressers, always on the look-out for a bargain. (He’s from Kanturk.) Is it okay if we refuse to eat in a cheap restaurant with them in case we get spotted by someone from Posh Cork? Anne-Marie, Monkstown, I spent a fortune on new sunglasses.

You’d do anything to hide your lazy eye. Trust me, you are never safe from Posh Cork on holidays. I was caught coming out of Lidl in Marbella by the former goalkeeper of our hockey team in school. Five minutes later, she had a video of me up on a Facebook page called St Angela’s Girls Who Went a Bit Norry. When I got home, wasn’t there a food-parcel from my former classmates outside my door, with a note saying, “Please don’t contact us or greet us on the street?” The parcel was in a Lidl bag and all. Fair play, I thought that was a lovely touch. Vicious, but lovely.