Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

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Like totes hello! My peeps and I are coming down from Dublin to visit Cork this bank holiday weekend. We’re all in our 30s, but have never actually been to Cork because you’re all total boggers, ya! Anyway, jazz, so excited about that right now. What would you recommend? — Sofia, Sandymount, I have amazing skin.

So do snakes. My main recommendation would be cut down on the espressos. You seem as giddy as a busload of bridesmaids from Banteer. I’m not really sure what goes on during the Jazz Festival. Cork people tend to steer clear of town, because it’s full of students from Nenagh in straw hats that say ‘I’m only here for the beer.’ That’s as bad as it sounds. Anyway, I hear MacCurtain Street is usually hopping during the Jazz. Some people now call it the Victorian Quarter. Personally, I think it’s just Washington Street for Norries.