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How’re oo goin on? I woke up last night and there was a stranger at the foot of the bed. I was going to hit him a belt with a hurley, but sure I’m from West Cork and wouldn’t know how to use one. Anyway, your man says not to worry, he was just playing Pokémon Go. What’s the story with that now like? — Ger Pat Michael, head west from Skibbereen until the smell starts to overwhelm you.

I’d hate to wake up and find a stranger at the end of the bed. Particularly if he wasn’t good-looking. Pokémon Go is a sign that people under 30 shouldn’t be allowed out without supervision. The idea is you use your mobile phone to show other people that you have no life. It’s also a form of escape for those who can’t cope with the terrible drudgery of day to day life. I hear it’s huge in Waterford.