I’m a well endowed man, how do we ease painful sex?

Suzi Godson gives advice on what positions are best when a men is well endowed.

I’m a well endowed man, how do we ease painful sex?

Q. I’m well endowed and it’s a problem for me and my girlfriend because there aren’t that many positions that are comfortable for her.

Even when she seems comfortable, worrying that I’m going to hurt her can curtail my enjoyment.

Are there any positions you would recommend to help us, or any exercises we could try?

A. You have asked a straightforward question and you deserve a straightforward answer.

Penis size is a male fascination but as your problem illustrates, when it comes to sex, bigger is not always better.

The average erection extends to about 14-16cm (5.5-6.3in) and has a girth of about 12-13cm.

In a relaxed state, the average vagina is about 7.6-10cm in length but arousal pulls the uterus and the cervix upwards, doubling the capacity of the vagina.

When a male erection is substantially larger than average it knocks against the female cervix during intercourse and this can be very painful.

Because the vagina expands only if a woman is turned on, and anxiety inhibits arousal, once a woman begins to connect intercourse with discomfort, it can take time for her to unlearn the association so she can relax enough to enjoy sex.

To get things back on track, you will need to take things very slowly, and the simplest way of fixing this problem is to spend time making your girlfriend very aroused.

Additional lubrication is never a substitute for actual arousal but it can be a really helpful addition when size is an issue.

Ordinarily, I would recommend a natural water-based lubricant such as YES or Sylk but in your case I would suggest a silicone-based product such as Überlube.

Silicone lubricants tend to be better at reducing friction which is an advantage in this context.

Steer clear of petroleum jelly because it can cause irritation, allergies or thrush, and don’t buy commercial lubricants that contain glycerin or parabens, for the same reason.

Certain positions can make penetration less challenging without compromising enjoyment.

Generally, positions that are not face-to-face are the easiest way to optimise pleasure while limiting penetrative depth.

For example, if you lie back on the bed and your girlfriend lies with her back along your chest, the sensation of her thighs will make it feel as if you are fully inserted.

This position can be reversed, with your girlfriend lying face down on her tummy.

With standing positions the depth of penetration will be naturally limited but you do need to be at a similar height.

Traditional positions such as missionary encourage deeper penetration but your girlfriend can limit depth by squeezing her legs together.

It won’t affect sensation for you because the tightness of her thighs will provide friction.

Alternatively, she can keep her hand on the top of your shaft throughout.

If this doesn’t solve the problem, have a look at this website: www.comeclose.co.uk

Come Close is a donut-shaped protective ring that was designed by two women who had well-endowed husbands.

The product is endorsed by medics who specialise in the treatment of “collision dyspareunia” — vaginal pain that occurs when a larger erection knocks against and irritates the cervix — although there is nothing particularly medical-looking about the device.

In fact, it is an incredibly simple idea.

It is not expensive (€31.40 plus p&p) but, as its marketing says, it will “bring you a whole lot closer together... by keeping you a little farther apart”.

However, remember that the more aroused your girlfriend is, the less of a problem this will become — so the most important thing for you to do is take your time.

* Send your queries to suzigodson@mac.com

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