My husband has started 'edging' and these lengthy sessions are making me bored

Edging for women works on exactly the same principles and it is an incredibly liberating process. 

My husband has started 'edging' and these lengthy sessions are making me bored

Q. My husband has started trying to withhold his orgasms, having read an article about how it can make them more intense. 

However, it now means that our sex sessions last for ages, even after I have orgasmed.

After a while I’m sore and, to be honest, a bit bored.

A. Your husband probably doesn’t realise it, but ‘edging’ was originally a technique developed to help men suffering from premature ejaculation (PE).

Devised by the urologist James Semans, the “stop-start” technique aims to help men to identify the point at which an orgasm becomes an inevitability.

An alternative method, the ‘stop-squeeze’ technique, involves getting to the point of no return and then squeezing the shaft of the penis between the thumb and forefinger to prevent ejaculation.

Once a man is able to anticipate his point of no return he can stop using the technique and avoid ejaculating.

In recent years both these techniques have been adapted as a form of sex play.

Fans of ‘edging’ love the sensation of almost coming, backing off and then taking it back to the brink again.

Some men experience dry orgasms when they edge, and once they finally allow themselves to orgasm, the sensation is magnified exponentially.

Some of the fascination with edging is driven by sexual curiosity but it also reflects male insecurity about the rapidity with which they tend to ejaculate once they have started having penetrative sex.

One widely cited German study into the prevalence of premature ejaculation found that about a quarter of men said they had ‘low’ or ‘no’ control over their ejaculation.

A lot of anxiety exists around ejaculatory timing.

Most men last an average of about five minutes — unless they are into edging, like your husband.

I would be surprised if you hadn’t already got cystitis from these lengthy sessions — and something obviously needs to be done.

However, I would suggest that instead of asking your hubby to get on with it, you ask him to teach you how to slow things down.

Edging for women works on exactly the same principles and it is an incredibly liberating process.

It requires you to do two things that are conducive to good sex.

First, focus on what you are feeling, and second, pass that information on to your husband.

Your husband should stick to manual stimulation initially, and he needs to use plenty of lubrication.

Your mind may wander, which is fine, but when you notice your thoughts drifting, bring them back to the sensation.

As your arousal begins to build, resist the temptation to race to the finish.

Instead, ask your husband to change the pace, or the pressure, to let the sensation subside.

You need to guide him so he knows when to switch out of intense stimulation and when to begin building it back up.

Sometimes it will feel as if you have lost the moment completely, but if he keeps stimulating you, the feelings will come back.

When you take sensation to the edge and back in this way, you give your whole body time to become fully aroused and by the time you finally allow yourself to orgasm, it will feel like an earthquake is rocking your entire pelvic floor.

If your husband happens to be inside you when this happens, the strength of your contractions are guaranteed to make him climax too.

Problem solved?

* Send your queries to

More in this section

ieParenting Logo
Writers ieParenting

Our team of experts are on hand to offer advice and answer your questions here

Your digital cookbook

ieStyle Live 2021 Logo
ieStyle Live 2021 Logo

IE Logo
Outdoor Trails

Discover the great outdoors on Ireland's best walking trails

IE Logo
Outdoor Trails


The best food, health, entertainment and lifestyle content from the Irish Examiner, direct to your inbox.

Sign up
Execution Time: 0.224 s