Sex advice with Suzi Godson: He wants me to have more orgasms

I rarely have orgasms with my partner, although I enjoy the sex and am very happy with our sex life. He doesn’t understand that for me it’s more about the foreplay and sex and closeness, and he wants me to have more orgasms. Do they matter as much as he thinks?

You do realise that you are completely normal, don’t you? Men have an orgasm 90% of the time during penetrative sex, but only about 25% of women do. This inequity is one that could easily be resolved if couples were willing to be more honest with each other about what feels good and what doesn’t. Instead, research suggests that men think about female orgasm as a measure of their own sexual performance, rather than as an indication of female sexual satisfaction. And women even see themselves as faulty.

Although the literature on female orgasm is extensive, and confusing, there is consensus on the fact that, like you, only about half of women who have difficulty experiencing orgasm with a partner also report feeling distressed about it.