It’s presence, not presents, that really counts at Christmas

Stop, breathe, and remember what’s really important about December 25. It’s more special and far less stressful if we refuse to buy into the ‘perfect Christmas’, writes Vicki Notaro

HOW many seasonal adverts have you seen in the past 24 hours promising a “perfect” Christmas? If you watched all the soaps last night like any normal human being, I’m wagering more than a few.

As soon as Halloween is over, out comes the festive propaganda from every department store, supermarket and online emporium — buy this present, this toy, this item of food, and you and your family will have an entirely magical day, promise!

I, for one, have had enough of the concept of perfection, especially surrounding an occasion that can be incredibly stressful, financially prohibitive and very tiring to begin with.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to find the best of everything that in the process we end up completely strung out from financial, mental, and physical exhaustion.

And since when did having the glitziest decorations and most sumptuous spread ensure perfection?

A bad atmosphere can take the sheen off even the most glittery centrepiece, believe me.

I’ll admit it, I’m not the most Christmassy person you’ll ever meet, but I’m no Ebeneezer Scrooge either.

I just really hate seeing people working themselves in to the ground to try and make one day more special than any other, and ending up too wrecked to enjoy the fruits of their labour.

It’s all well and good exhausting yourself to make sure little Mary and Timmy have a great Christmas, but if you’re so on edge that you’re screeching at them for ruining their good clothes or breaking their presents by 11am, something isn’t right.

I know a woman who’s so caught up with Christmas because it’s quite literally an excuse to paper over the cracks (or more accurately, cover them in fairy lights).

It’s the time of year that she can persuade her family to stick around and actually spend time with her, so she clings to the season like a limpet to a rock.

By December 26 every year, she’s glassy eyed from the effort and withered from unfulfilled expectations. So she hits the sales, determined to find the perfect bargain to cheer her up.

Sound familiar? Sadly, she’s not unusual.

Last year, I was a shell of myself. I’d had a tough year, was suffering badly from crippling anxiety and just found the thoughts of Christmas truly overwhelming.

I couldn’t bring myself to celebrate with friends because I just wasn’t feeling jolly enough and I didn’t want to be a drag.

I tried to force myself to feel festive, brewing mulled wine and watching my favourite Christmas films. I thought that if I didn’t have a brilliant Christmas like in the movies, I’d be ending the year on a sour note.

But in the end, it was just being with the people I loved that helped me heal a little. I couldn’t even tell you what I got for Christmas last year off the top of my head, but just being in the safe enclave of my family was what mattered most.

It’s not just the festive season that raises my hackles, but other days that are meant to be “perfect” — birthdays, anniversaries, and the most complicated of all, weddings.

I get that it’s (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime occasion, but I’ve witnessed brides worrying themselves sick over what is essentially a fabulously expensive party, for fear it’s not flawless.

I’m recently engaged and already fearful that my inner Bridezilla will come roaring out when I least expect it. I’m not the type to lose my head over such things, but who knows what extreme pressure will do to a gal?

And that pressure is what we must tackle when it comes to Christmas. It’s definitely partly self-imposed — some type A personalities thrive on it — but it’s also undeniably a cultural thing.

In the past, Christmas was a much simpler and more contained affair. Now it’s a free-for-all, a race to see who can share the most Christmassy picture on Instagram, who can secure the most coveted toy for their child and who can spend the most on party food in M&S.

We all have to prove our festive mood these days with Christmas jumpers and elaborate decorations, when in the past it was something much more contained.

It sounds horribly clichéd, but we just have to keep sight of what’s important at this time of year and just live in the moment.

Mindfulnesss has been the buzzword of the year, but it’s a concept that should be adhered to at Christmas. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to make merry for your family, if that’s truly what makes you happy.

But bear in mind that often it’s presence, and not presents (or decorations or 10 tonnes of nibbles), that makes the season special.

And look, if you need proof that even the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, just watch the soaps in between all those Christmas ads.

Nothing ever goes well in Albert Square, so just be happy you don’t live in Walford, innit?