Christmas can be a valuable life lesson for your kids

Kids shouldn’t expect to get everything they want from Santa, writes Arlene Harris

All around the country, children can’t stop talking about what they would like to find under the tree this Christmas morning. Or perhaps what they expect to find.

Some will request €400 electronic devices from PS4s to iPads and smartphones, designer clothes they will grow out of in six months while others will want expensive doll’s houses — and some may even place an order for the lot, plus a few surprises thrown in for good measure.

While these youngsters are busily revealing their hearts’ desires, their parents are having moderate to severe panic attacks as they wonder how on earth Father Christmas will be able to provide everything their child would like.

Because it doesn’t stop there. There are extended family presents, Christmas groceries to buy and, yeah, we don’t get free gas and electricity at year’s end. And guess when our car insurance premium falls each year?

Gone are the days when children were happy to receive one ‘big’ present — such as a doll or some Lego — and a few stocking fillers like pencils and a colouring book. When I was a child, we didn’t ask for much and we certainly didn’t work our way through toy catalogues.

There have been many ‘hilarious’ scenes in Hollywood blockbusters of parents fighting tooth and nail over the latest ‘must-have’ toy as they fearfully imagine what life would be like for their little darling should they be disappointed on Christmas morning.

I know many people who have become almost hysterical when their child changed their mind after the Christmas shopping had been done: How would they manage (both logistically and financially) to ensure this new gift appeared under the tree?

According to the Irish League of Credit Unions (ILCU), the average shopper will spend almost €600 on Christmas this year and, given that we are not yet back on our feet economically, there are likely to be plenty of parents borrowing large sums to ensure no gift request is denied.

But the letter to Santa should merely be a guide as to what the child would be happy to receive. In our household, The List was never seen as an official order form. If it was sent, it was sent. If not, then Santa would know exactly what to bring.

And in all of his visits, he always managed to get it right — we never had a child with a tantrum or even a sulky face on Christmas morning (not least because it wouldn’t be tolerated) and I believe growing up without being indulged their every whim, is a very useful lesson for children.

Dr David Carey, Director of Psychology at City Colleges and Dean of the College of Progressive Education agrees, and says it is damaging for children to receive everything they wish for.

“It is absolutely neglectful to give to a child every single item they want for Christmas,” he says. “This is a form of neglect because it’s pandering to their wants and desires and not to their needs. A child given everything will learn the value of nothing. I would advise parents not to go down that road.

“There must be a link between earning and receiving as opposed to being automatically given everything you want. Gifts can be simple and deeply meaningful. Love, for example, is the greatest gift we can give a child and it costs nothing.”

The child psychologist says children will accept that Santa can’t provide every single thing they desire and once parents have made this point clear, it will make for a much less stressful holiday.

“Parents shouldn’t worry about telling their young children that Santa can’t bring everything to them,” he says. “They just need to explain that he knows what they need but is not always able to give them everything they want.

“Keep it simple, to the point and direct — in my opinion, Christmas is for joy and family life, not stress, debt and pressure.” And this goes for both Santa’s gifts and those from relatives and family friends. There is nothing more soul-destroying that watching children giddy with excitement tearing open package after package, hardly registering what is inside as they plough through what is often a veritable mountain of gifts.

After watching this frenzy when my children (now 17, 15 and 10) were very young, I made an unconscious decision to limit Santa’s gifts to Christmas morning with the rest to be opened at regular intervals throughout the holiday period.

Some people thought this was a bit harsh, but actually it worked wonders because they were delighted with the presents left by Mr Claus and then had the tingling anticipation of wondering what was in the rest of the parcels and which one they would open next.

So not only did they have something to look forward to every other day, they also showed a lot more appreciation for everything they received — it was a win-win situation.

Like Dr Carey says, children are a lot more resilient and appreciative than we give them credit for. If they don’t get the wildly expensive gift that Johnny down the road got, they will get over it and will learn a valuable life lesson.

And more importantly, Santa will have a bit more cash in his pocket to help with the January bills.