Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

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Hey there. I’m the manager of a great bunch of guys in our Cork office and they’ve invited me to fly over from San Francisco for their Christmas party. I am so psyched right now. What should I expect? - Wendy, San Francisco, so psyched right now.

I’d advise you to expect the worst, Wendy. Here is how it will go. You will get stuck sitting next to Seamie from Charleville. He will be very keen to tell you all that’s good about Charleville. This should only take about five seconds, but try and tell that to Seamie as he recounts the day himself and the lads sat on the wall outside Topaz for eight hours solid. You will probably all head back to Seamie’s house afterwards. There will be a lad wearing a Newtownshandrum jersey asleep behind the couch. Do not talk to this guy under any circumstances. First of all, Newtownshandrum makes Charleville look like Barcelona. Secondly, he will try and get off with you.