Francis Brennan's guide to hosting family over Christmas ... and keeping calm

Now first off, no squabbling ladies and gentleman. We’re all grown up now and we’ve all got sense and we’ll be having none of that childlish carry on.

We have to rise above any digs or jibes from a brother, sister, mother or father and revert to the present and not to when we were kids and always killing each other. Learn how to bite your tongue and bite your tongue.

If one of your family winds you up, just start talking about something fabulous you’ve just done for instance “I was in Brazil on my holidays” if you can’t ignore, ignore, ignore. ( My brother John is sitting in the office with me as I write this and he’s roaring laughing as I read it out to him).

Christmas can be a busy time and it’s not fair when it’s the same couple or family hosting everyone every year. I think it’s a great idea when there is alternate hosting. It shouldn’t be the same person hosting mum and dad year for 10 years. We must share them around. Just say that you have other plans early in the year.

Also be clever when you are setting the table for Christmas dinner and for all the other meals when they are staying. Don’t put people that don’t get along beside each other. It will either be very quiet or troublesome. Instead put one at the top of the table and one at the bottom.

And think of relatives who are living alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It may be an uncle, it may be an aunt but they will love being invited to stay or even just for Christmas dinner and will appreciate it more than you can imagine. Just do it!

Christmas is a great time for catching up with relatives. And I know one woman who knew this better than any other. She had split up with her husband for up to 13 years before her mother in law died. But she never let on: every Christmas she visited on Christmas Day with her ex and their son. She really liked her mother in law and knew the benefit of that visit. The old woman died aged 93.

And remember with Christmas Day, if you’re hosting kids, that its all about the kids. I hate all this new stuff about not opening presents until five o’clock in the evening. We never did that in this country. You get up in the morning early and there should be madness! Just let them at it! Christmas morning should be bedlam.

When you have friends and family over, I would advise that you watch your alcohol intake. Remember that it is a long, long day and just think of sitting down in the evening with a box of Quality Street and a movie. So try not to be tipsy at three o’clock.

Lots of people go visiting friends and family on Christmas. A good host will make sure that nobody that is driving could possibly be over the alcohol limit. Keep an eye on it discreetly. Remember all the time that ‘you are the host so you are in charge’. That’s a good one to remember all year.

When entertaining family, it’s also a good thing to remember to be realistic . There are a lot of expectations around Christmas and we all kind of buy into this notion of the perfect family day. We need to cop on, your family won’t suddenly turn into the Waltons for the day. Just remember who they are, their strengths and weaknesses – and as a host, try and negotiate your way around the day as best as you can.

Just think of that movie, box of Quality Street and that glass of wine!

There’s a quote that I used in the book that I just love. Keep it in mind over Christmas , it’s from George Burns. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city’.

• It’s the Little Things: Francis Brennan’s Guide to Life is published by Gill & Macmillan.