Think your relationship is complicated? Holly has a boyfriend and a husband!
Who says relationships need to be conventional these days? One woman from Maryland, USA, certainly doesn’t think so. She’s been happily married for eight years AND has a serious boyfriend. Oh and both men are totally aware and completely fine with it.
Holly Ritchey, 36, is married to Dan, 37, and her boyfriend Tom Harryman, 40, has just moved in with them.
When Holly walked down the aisle in March 2006, there wasn’t any doubt in her mind that Dan would be the only man she’d spend her life with. Holly had two grown up adopted children from a previous relationship, and after they married they went on to adopt another girl.
“I was always brought up to believe in one man, one woman,” she says.
Although they were happy, Holly says they were incompatible in the bedroom.
“I didn’t want to leave Dan, or cheat on him, and I didn’t want casual meaningless encounters either.”
Last year she read about polyamory – loving more than one person romantically – and nervously broached the subject with her husband.
To her surprise he said: “My goal in life is to make you happy, and if this’ll make you happy, lets do it.”
So Holly joined dating websites, started seeing a man called Will who was in an open marriage. She worried Dan would be jealous, but he was supportive.
“Before my first date with Will, I gave Dan a twirl, asked him how I looked. Thankfully it didn’t feel awkward for either of us,” Holly laughs. “Will and I split up after six months, and Dan was there for me when I was upset. He comforted me, told me I’d find someone else.”
He was right. In January this year, Holly met Tom. After a few weeks of dating, she brought him home to meet her husband.
“As the three of us chatted in the kitchen, Dan turned to me and said, ‘I have a good feeling about this one’. Tom stayed over and admitted it was weird, knowing my husband was just down the hall. He’d never been with anyone poly before,” Holly says.
Soon, it became serious, they fell in love. So Holly began to split her time between her husband and her new boyfriend. To make sure she didn’t neglect either of them, she made a schedule.
“Some nights I’ll go out with Tom, others with Dan, and the three of us hang out together too. We’ll go to an exhibition, eat dinner out, or curl up in front of a film at home. All our friends and family know, including our kids. I wouldn’t want to hide someone I love away, I’m proud of both of my men!”
Holly’s not shy about holding both of their hands in public, although she admits they get funny looks.
“I’ll happily give Tom a kiss in front of Dan, and visa versa,” she says. “It’s not a big deal.”
On June 1, Tom moved in with Holly and Dan. They each have their own rooms and Holly invites one of them to sleep over when she wants.
“Of course, having two relationships instead of one can be an emotional rollercoaster!” she says. “I’ve got two people’s needs to deal with, but I feel lucky at the same time. I have two wonderful men, both who treat me like a princess.
And if you’re wondering whether the men in her life are actually happy with the situation…
Dan says: “We’ve always had a happy, loving relationship but I would say our marriage has become stronger since Holly became poly. I’ve honestly never felt jealous because my wife still gives me what I need. My only worry is that she’s happy. You know what they say – happy wife, happy life!”
Tom says: “At first, I was hesitant. I didn’t think I’d want to ‘share’ Holly. But that’s because it’s been ingrained in me as the ‘normal’ way to be. Then she explained Dan and I would be equals in her life and I began to realise this could work for me. I’ve told all my friends and they’re just pleased I’ve found someone who makes me so happy. I wouldn’t change a thing about our relationship.”
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