What does fatherhood mean to the men of today?

As Father’s Day approaches, Sharon Ní Chonchúir talks to some well-known dads about the role they play in their children’s lives.

DADS all over Ireland can look forward to handmade cards and presents for Fathers’ Day this Sunday. But what does fatherhood mean to the men of today? The strict authoritarian father may be a thing of the past but who has taken his place?

American Dave Engeldow gained online notoriety when he began documenting his experience of fatherhood after his daughter Alice was born three years ago. He took photos of himself and his daughter in situations that parodied the type of father he did not want to be. These have now been compiled in a book called Confessions of the World’s Best Father.

“I create images as a reminder to myself of what not to do,” says Engeldow of photos that show him reading newspapers and checking his phone instead of paying attention to Alice. Fatherhood has completely transformed his life. “Everything has changed, from the places we eat to the movies we choose,” he says. “Oh yeah, and sleep. I haven’t got enough for the past three years.”

Joking aside, Engeldow’s love for his daughter shines through in every photo. “I thought parenthood would be stressful and it is,” he says. “But the fun, amazing parts overshadow the stress and worry. Alice makes me happy in ways I never thought possible.”

What about Irish dads? TV chef Paul Flynn has two daughters aged seven and eight. He thought himself ready for parenthood but the reality still came as a shock.

“Máire and I didn’t realise how much time we had on our hands before the girls arrived,” he says. “Our lives were all about what we wanted to do. Now it’s about us as a family and they come first.”

He found the earlier years stressful. “I watch people lugging all the gear that goes with little babies and I’m glad we don’t have to do that anymore,” he says. And now there are after-school activities. “Sometimes I think we’re half parents, half taxi-drivers,” he laughs.

Flynn enjoys the fun his daughters bring to his life. “I act the fool with them in a way I don’t with anyone else. We go crab fishing and try to catch mackerel. We spend a lot of time out and about.”

Mostly, it’s all about supporting his daughters as they grow up. “They’re lovely little people,” he says. “It’s great helping them become who they’re going to be. They’ve filled our house with laughter and really made it a home.”

Former Kerry footballer, radio broadcaster and father of four Dara Ó Cinnéide models himself on his own father. “I aim to be like him: hardworking, patient, attentive and kind,” he says. “I do my best. Sometimes that’s good enough. Sometimes it’s not.”

With children ranging in age from eight months to seven years, parenthood has had its frustrations for Ó Cinnéide.

“I’d drive around the parish every night to get them to sleep and arrive home to realise they were still wide awake,” he remembers. “And then there are things like cleaning up the house after bouts of vomiting only to have them puke all over the place again.”

Frustrations aside, the negatives are far outweighed by the positives. “Seeing the kids clear minor hurdle after minor hurdle: pick up an object for the first time, being able to eat independently, watching them develop a sense of language, a sense of identity, bringing them to the hospital to meet the latest arrival in the growing family and hearing the laughter — nothing beats it.”

Maclean Burke, who plays Damien in Fair City, also has four children. Ranging in age from two to 13, his attitude to child rearing has changed since the first was born.

“I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff,” he says. “I remember my first coming home from hospital and getting a machine ready to clean his bottles. My mother and cousin were laughing at me because I was treating it like some kind of nuclear bomb. I was so frightened of contaminating the baby. Now, if I’m looking for a bottle, even if I find one in the back of the car, a quick rinse under the tap will do.”

Having children has made Maclean more driven. “They make you focus on what you want and need,” he says. “I’m the main breadwinner so I have to work hard and make money.”

Although he works a lot, he spends time with the children every day. “We kick a ball around. We go to the movies. We take walks around where we live. I’m the fun parent really.”

But this doesn’t mean he shies away from disciplining them. “It’s important they toe the line,” he says. “I want them to have self-worth. I want them to grow up to be good human beings.”

Flynn, Ó Cinnéide and Burke represent an evolution in fatherhood. Like the men that went before them, they all work hard to support their families and play a key role in shaping the people their children become. But they are definitely more hands on than previous generations — if their tales of cleaning up vomit and forensically preparing bottles are anything to go by.