Something hot and steamy is brewing — in the bedroom

MANY, many years ago, in a previous life, I was given the responsibility of developing a national fundraising day for The Alzheimer Society of Ireland.

Whereas I never claimed that my idea of a National Tea Day was an entirely original concept, I did instinctively feel that having ‘a cuppa tea’ was far closer to the Irish soul than having a coffee. What I didn’t know back then, however, was that apparently, for women, having a cup of tea is a bigger turn-on than sex. This fact has just been proven by a recent survey carried out by the neighbours next door in Britain.

The Open University took over two years to complete this study and engaged with 5,000 participants as it sought to establish the secrets of a happy, enduring relationship. Among its findings is the fact that apparently, a cup of tea is the key to a woman’s heart. I have to admit I was a little crestfallen to discover that precious stones and metals were not listed at all because, according to the women, it is the little things; the small gestures of love and affection that really help to build a solid relationship. And top of the list was being made a cup of tea. And sorry sisters, but it was placed well ahead of having our opinions valued.

This might seem like an inconsequential nugget of information but as I pondered on its significance I realised that the humble cup of tea can actually tell men a whole lot about how women view sex. Bear with me here.

Personally, although I love a nice cup of tea, (especially in bed) coffee, I feel, is vital to my ability to function. It perks me up, nudges me wide awake of a morning.

And I am fussy about my coffee. In fact, myself and himself have been pondering the purchase of a proper coffee machine in the January sales. You know, one of those steam and hiss monsters that filters the coffee and makes frothy milk too.

Tea, however is an altogether gentler beverage. Tea is brewed carefully and slowly. There is no hissing other than the soft whistle of the kettle boiling. In the lands of its origin, tea rituals are languid with an almost Zen-like spiritual nature to them. They are designed to still the heart and mind. Although the ritual of making a cup of tea in these parts is not quite so choreographed, it still takes time to do it right; warming the pot, straining the tea leaves if you are using loose tea, knowing the right amount of time to allow it to brew, and then adding just the right amount of milk, (far more critical in tea than coffee).

Tea is a comforting, nurturing beverage. Whoever heard of giving a cup of sweet coffee to a body in shock? Tea speaks of slowing down — the direct opposite of coffee. And therein lies the secret of its appeal to women.

Men listen up now — you are about to learn something important. Without beating around the bush, the fact is this — we women like to be slowed down before we are turned on. We like confirmation that we are loved, valued and cherished before we are ravished. Like a good cup of tea, this takes time, a little skill and a degree of careful handling. I think you know what I am saying. Slow us down before you attempt to rev us up! Let me be clear here — this doesn’t necessarily mean that we need you to make an actual cup of tea first. But you need to approach us in the bedroom with the same languid care that you would take to making us our cup of tea.

The good news is that we Irish drink more tea than almost every country on the planet. According to Wikipedia we are No 3 in the world — after Turkey and Morocco. So lads it would seem that ye have the art of making a good cuppa sorted.

Now you just need to transfer some of that approach to the bedroom. According to the same survey, men are twice as likely as women to list the lack of sexual intimacy as one of the things they are most unhappy with in their relationship. So the next time you are thinking about some bedroom antics — remember the cup of tea and the importance of allowing it to brew.!

As I write this I am thinking back to those days I spent with The Alzheimer Society of Ireland encouraging people to host Tea Breaks to raise money. In hindsight, I now wonder how many relationships we saved at the same time. A fringe benefit for a good cause.!

* Alzheimer National Tea Day takes place in early May. Details: The Alzheimer Society of Ireland. 01 2073800. www.alzheimer.ie