Making study a priority

Parents need to consult children about resistance to homework.

YOU dread the battles over homework. But the problem may not be the homework, says Áine Lynch, CEO of the National Parents’ Council Primary.

“Parents can get very focused on homework, because there’s a third party involved — a teacher asking why isn’t the homework done. In fact, parents may be battling with a lot of internal [household] things, from children tidying their room, to setting the table, to going to bed,” says Ms Lynch.

The key may be how you’re communicating with your children, particularly about boundaries. “If you’re having a general struggle with your child about setting and keeping boundaries, you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about how you operate as a family — how the family works together and how everybody has a responsibility and, as you get older, you get new responsibilities.”

Lynch says have the homework conversation away from the situation — not at 4pm on a Tuesday, when the child’s only thought is ‘I don’t want to do this’. “You might be in the car and say to the child ‘it really upsets me every evening when we have this battle over homework — and you don’t seem to be enjoying it, either. You have to do the homework, but what suggestion do you have, so that we don’t end up arguing’?”

Address why they don’t want to do homework. Would it be easier for them to take a break when they arrive from school do the homework straightaway? “So, you’re offering the child a choice and sense of empowerment and involvement in the decision, but you’re not giving them the option of not doing homework.”

If they refuse to do homework, ask what will be the consequences if they don’t — tomorrow and in the long-term. Perhaps they’ll fall behind their peers.

What if homework’s the only battleground and you’re not otherwise rowing with your child? “It’s either that the child’s finding it difficult or there’s something else they’d rather be doing,” says Lynch.

Listen to the child, ask questions and involve them in a solution — perhaps role-play with them a conversation they’ll have with their teacher. The parent conveys that education is important, but also that the child has opinions.

TIPS

¦ Listen to your child.

¦ Reflect on the rest of your parenting experience — are you having similar challenges in areas besides homework?

¦ Value education.

¦ Value your child’s views and feelings.