So, how exactly do you approach the subject of porn with your teenager?

It was during a particularly cringeworthy masturbation scene in Love/Hate last week when Parentline CEO Rita O’Reilly’s friend made a throwaway comment that raised the whole notion of appropriate and inappropriate sexuality.

Her 15-year-old son had been all but disappearing into the sofa with embarrassment as the scene lingered and he sat watching with his parents. To be fair, his mum only felt marginally more comfortable but she knew that she had to seize the moment. “Do you think it’s because he has brain damage that he’s doing that in public? There’s nothing wrong with masturbation but not in public,” she commented nonchalantly.

And so a strained and brief conversation began but at least there was engagement around the topic, says Reilly.

No matter how hard it is, you have to talk to your kids about porn, stresses Reilly. “Like the first conversation around sex with one of your children, it gets easier each time for the parent and more natural. Tell your child to ask you anything they want about porn, that there’s nothing that they can’t ask, but tell them that you will never be shocked or never judge,” she says.

“The big thing with internet porn is that it is immediate and we can control it, access it when we want and manipulate it. This can make it seem more acceptable. But we have to be careful that the sexualisation of society doesn’t become more and more acceptable and instead, that children learn about respecting one another in a relationship and that hurt and embarrassment are not part of a healthy relationship.”

As psychotherapist Dr John Sharry highlighted in yesterday’s Irish Examiner, these conversations may need to start as young as 10 as children are accessing sexualised images at ever younger ages via phones and laptops.

“Research shows that it is better to first discuss such issues at ages 8,9,10 or 11 in an age-appropriate way rather than wait until a child is 13 or 14 where the child will cringe and pull away. It also shows that if a child gets good information from a parent around sex, they will come to that parent again for support when they need it,” says Dr Sharry.

He says you have to be prepared to answer all questions, to admit you might have to ‘come back’ to them on some topics — even if you want the ground to swallow you up. He also advises parents to ask children what they think about the topic as it’s empowering for them, and don’t be afraid to be lighthearted.

But not least, Dr Sharry believes parents shouldn’t be afraid to educate their children about sex in a ‘values’ context.

“Talk to them about your values, maybe that sex is best reserved for a loving relationship and that it is worth getting to know a person first. They find such old-fashioned values reassuring and if they don’t get a sense of values from you, who knows where they will be getting them.”

There might be a lot of talk in recent years about porn and sexualisation of childhood, but Dr Sharry says that binge drinking remains the most dangerous risk behaviour amongst Irish teenagers.

“Alcohol normally is the cause of poor choices around sex, around violence or suicide. Let us not forget that. Parents more than anything need to instigate safety conversations around alcohol. Get used to talking to and asking your children how they can stay safe.”

Ian Power, executive director of the young people’s website, spunout.ie, says that in some ways, porn needs to be treated like alcohol. “Yes, there is that capacity to be addicted but most people won’t be addicted and porn addiction is unlikely to rise to epidemic proportions. But to avoid addiction, we need to teach children to be responsible around porn, to be aware of what’s involved and most importantly, tell them where to go if they think they, or a friend, have a problem. We are not seeking to encourage pornography use but to encourage people to make considered informed decisions as this has been proven to reduce risk taking behaviour later.”