Porn ‘not appropriate for young teens’

It’s the number one click on the internet and it’s deeply influencing our minds and our relationships, according to child and family psychotherapist, Dr John Sharry.

“Yes, porn is having a profound effect on people. Adults, never mind children, are being damaged by porn as it is affecting their relationships,” he said.

According to Dr Sharry, one of the most common problems that relationship counsellors are encountering is the impact of a man’s porn habit on his sex life and wider relationship with his partner.

“When couples were having problems with sex it used to be that the man wanted sex and the wife didn’t, but now it can be quite the opposite. There is a lack of interest in sex from the man, the woman is hurt by his lack of interest but the man is burnt out from sex as he is getting so much online. The thing is, however, is that as human beings we need flesh and blood sex,” the founder of solutiontalk.ie and the Parents Plus programme said.

Dr Sharry is categoric that it is not appropriate for children or young teenagers to look at porn as it can isolate them and lead to poor self esteem. It can also distort their understanding of sex before they physically experience sex for the first time. For older teenagers, there is also the potentially addictive nature of pornography to consider.

“The goal of parents of young teenagers should be to protect their child from viewing porn as long as they can until they are better able to cope with it and make more informed choices about viewing it,” he said.

This can mean delaying giving them a smartphone for as long as possible, only allowing internet use in family rooms and installing software to block harmful sites on the family computer,” he said.

But this does not mean, he underlines, that parents should not discuss pornography with their children from as young as 10 upwards. They should. Yes, Dr Sharry says, some children are “more vulnerable” to the dangers of pornography than others, but counsels “that even sensible ones make mistakes”.

“It is impossible to supervise them all the time and that is why you will need to discuss this from a young age, it can be as early as 10 or 11. You need to be talking in an age-appropriate way about some of what they will see on the television, on film and on the internet, and what it says and how this can be dangerous. They are accessing porn much younger than we think,” he said.

* John Sharry is giving a morning and afternoon talk on parenting teenagers, ‘Understanding 21st Century Teens’ in Cork this Saturday at the Silversprings Moran Hotel in the city. Details at solutiontalk.ie