Hear about the cat who went tweet?

THE internet is a funny old place. Its accessibility, combined with free social media, means that potentially everyone can have an audience.

Tweets get retweeted like a giant beach ball at a rock concert bouncing on into virtual infinity. YouTube has made superstars of the most unlikely individuals; from babies singing Elvis songs to elaborate proposals of marriage involving an entire neighbourhood. Everyone has the potential to become an internet sensation.

In the recent past we have become aware once again of what a jungle it can be too; with online bullying and cyber abuse being serious issues that can have the most dreadful consequences. It seems the technology is still evolving but there is one thing I know for sure — the internet loves cats. They are all over the virtual world.

So I wondered, how come that, unlike Hollywood where dogs definitely rule, cats reign supreme online? When I thought about it the answer seemed obvious. The internet loves spontaneity. Dogs can be trained to do all kinds of wonderful acting on cue — which suits movies. Cats, however, are altogether different and it’s their propensity to fall over and into things that renders them perfect internet stars.

But cats are not only YouTube stars, they also rule the Twittersphere. Cats have that ‘je ne sais quoi’, that special cattitude that makes them perfect curators of their own Twitter accounts.

They think deep and often dark thoughts and so a cat with a Twitter account can add greatly to your Twitter feed.

Cats are marvellous at satire. Check out Larry The Cat (@downingstcat) who has 22,000 followers. Larry is, apparently, the resident cat at No 10 Downing Street and his tweets are just wonderful. For example, on the subject of Jeremy Paxman’s new beard, Larry tweeted “Dave and I welcome the release of Jeremy Paxman by his captors. Well, we didn’t realise he was kidnapped to be honest.” Larry’s pithy comments on the goings-on in London are brilliant.

Another one of my favourites is Henri Le Chat Noir (@henrilechatnoir) who has over 23,000 followers. Henri is a philosophical cat with a cynical bent. He tweets nuggets such as, “A tweet that no one reads is like the final tweet of a dying bird that no one hears. Except it’s archived and possibly monitored by the NSA.”

What makes cats purr is a tiny vibration in the laryngeal muscles. What doesn't make cats purr is dressing them in little sweaters.

— 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝓇í (@HenriLeChatNoir) September 26, 2013

Life is what happens when you're taking other naps.

— 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝓇í (@HenriLeChatNoir) September 29, 2013

No one is immortal. It is the fur we leave behind that matters.

— 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝓇í (@HenriLeChatNoir) September 25, 2013

One of Twitter’s most popular cat accounts is Grumpy Cat (@grumpyycat) who has over a million followers. Not quite as clever as some of the others, his charm apparently is that he hates everyone. My other favourite cats include @catfoodbreath and the wonderful @mycatsad.

I'm venturing over to the other side of the couch today.

— Cat Food Breath (@CatFoodBreath) October 1, 2013

But, in the interests of balance, I also did exhaustive research on dogs. I am very sorry but not surprised to report that although there are lots of dogs who tweet, they don’t have the same edginess to them that our feline friends do. Dogs just ain’t that witty. However, my research has made clear that, although many much-loved doggie pets have Twitter accounts full of cute and twee postings, I couldn’t find one that made me laugh out loud, or laugh at all really.

In fact, when I asked for the dogs to make themselves known to me on Twitter, I got surrounded by a pack of very enthusiastic canines all vying for my attention within minutes. It was very difficult to extricate myself from the cacophony of doggie tweets.

Setting up a Twitter account for your pet is something that seems to be on the increase. The obvious advantage of having your pet tweet for you is that, like a ventriloquist’s dummy, speaking through your four-legged friend is a licence to say things you might otherwise not be brave enough to.

This may explain why some unlikely celebrities have Twitter accounts for their pets. They may not make you laugh but they may occasionally give you an insight into the said celebrities’ private life that you may not find on the pages of Hello magazine.

The most surprising celebrity pet on Twitter is @maggiemay_hem who is Andy Murray’s dog and he has quite a sense of humour. Who’d have thought that now?

Britney Spears’s bitch (her words, not mine) is called Hannah and also has an active Twitter account which can be found at @hannahspears.

Also from the USA, rapper 50 Cent’s softer side can be seen through the eyes of his dog, the wonderfully monikered Oprah Winfree whose account is @oprahthedog

@50cent Happy Birthday dad! Hope u have fun overseas! I'm having a party for u and will send pics! Luv ur loyal bitch!#NP #5MurderByNumbers

— Oprah Winfree (@OprahTheDog) July 6, 2012

But having given this issue of pets on Twitter my serious consideration, my advice, if you are thinking of launching your precious four legged friend into virtual reality is, don’t. There is enough meaningless noise out there already.!

No animals were harmed in the writing of this article.

* The Tweeties, Ireland’s Twitter awards, will be held at the Odeon in Dublin tonight