Sex File: I can't hear his 'sweet nothings' in bed 

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My new partner is a big fan of talking in bed, but my hearing's getting worse in my 50s and I can't always hear him. I don't want to break the flow by asking him to repeat himself. What can I do without losing the sexual charge?

I  would suggest it sounds as though your hearing may be worse than it should be for someone of your age. Age-related hearing loss typically starts when people are in their forties or fifties, though changes generally only usually become noticeable when people are in their sixties, but they are progressive. Nearly half of people over the age of 75 have difficulty hearing. It is important not to ignore this issue because there is growing evidence that acting on hearing loss earlier can delay cognitive decline. That said, on average people wait seven years to address age-related hearing loss after first noticing symptoms, partly due to the stigma around wearing hearing aids.

Particularly with your partner being new, I can understand why you might not want to discuss or reveal an impairment that you may feel "ages" you. However, if you don't do something about this issue I would suggest it will probably end up coming between you anyway in the long run. Hearing loss doesn't occur in a vacuum, and whether you like it or not, your partner is affected by the situation too. You may think that he has not noticed that you miss some of the things that he says, but I suspect he has probably already worked out what is going on.

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Hearing loss disturbs the natural "give and take" of conversational exchange and, as you have already discovered, faking it is not a foolproof strategy. When he says something to you during sex, he naturally expects some kind of response within a certain time frame. You can get away with not responding some of the time, but if, for example, he suggests that you do - or stop doing - something, or wants your consent to try something different, just carrying on as you were is a bit of a giveaway.

If you want this relationship to last, you need to stop ignoring your symptoms. You also need to be honest with your partner. Living with someone who doesn't respond, or who regularly asks you to repeat yourself can be frustrating and disconnecting, particularly if that person is in denial. Getting help with your hearing will have innumerable cognitive benefits for you, but it will also have a profound impact on your relationship. Right now you are aware that you are missing what your partner says to you during sex, but what else are you missing? Hearing loss undermines relationships in ways that aren't always obvious. It is not just about hearing words correctly. It is about misunderstanding context, misjudging tone or missing the subtle emotional cues that make conversations meaningful.

Fortunately, there are solutions, and you should waste no time in pursuing them. Book a hearing test. Don't be afraid of hearing aids - digital models are incredibly sophisticated. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, and with an invisible hearing aid, you need never miss a sweet nothing again.

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