Sex File: We miss our empty-nest lovemaking 

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Our two children are at university so my husband and I have been enjoying our empty nest and getting back to our pre-kids sex life. But now they're home for the summer we find ourselves back in the frumpy mum and dad mindset. There is also the practical difficulty of not being able to have sex when we want to anymore. Any advice?

Sex is obviously a private act and the idea of children hearing their parents making out is disconcerting, but yours are not kids anymore. They are strapping university students. They won't be asking for your permission to stay out until 4am, so you don't necessarily need to curtail your new-found sexual freedom for their benefit. You do, however, need to maintain some solid boundaries and lead by example.

The good news is that a little imagination, secrecy and constraint can actually increase erotic intensity. Why not use the next few months as an opportunity to experiment with flirting with your husband by text?

In the middle of a dull meeting at work, a sexy text message can generate a frisson of anticipation and can be a hugely valuable addition to foreplay later that evening. So-called sexting doesn't have to be explicit. In fact, messages that are provocative rather than pornographic are far more effective.

Delivering on promises you might have made to your other half is more problematic with adult children at home but only if you take a glass-half-empty approach. Have you and your husband ever explored what it feels like to have sex in complete silence? When silent sex is intentional, it can be revelatory because it dramatically heightens intimacy.

Silence lets your other senses do the talking, and when you take out auditory distraction you can focus much more effectively on taste, smell, texture, movement and visuals. It makes for much more mindful sex. You become more aware of the sound of your deeper, more measured breathing, the friction of skin on fabric, the sensation of kissing, the deep gaze and intimate communication through your facial expressions and your hands. Mindful sex makes silence active and moves it into a much more erotic realm.

Although it's a bit of an inconvenience, it's a good idea to try to keep this problem in perspective. You are lucky to only have the summer holidays to deal with - nearly 65% of third-level students in Ireland live at home full-time. Living together peacefully until the autumn term begins requires a degree of compromise and consideration from all of you, but clear communication and a few boundaries will prevent problems.

Simply knowing when people will be in and when they will be out makes a massive difference. A family group chat seems like the most obvious way to do this, so you know what time your children are coming home. If all else fails and things get too claustrophobic, you could always book a romantic weekend away together.

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