Sex File: We want to make love at different times of the day

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My boyfriend prefers to make love in the morning but I can't relax into sex until I've wound down in the evening. But by this point in the day he's usually knackered. We're too young (mid-30s) to only do it at the weekend for the rest of our lives. How do we meet in the middle?

You could actually meet in the middle - of the day. Not every day, obviously, but one of the unspoken benefits of the increase in flexible working is the opportunity it creates for lunchtime trysts.

If you find yourselves both working from home during the week, you could block out a specific hour in your calendar. This serves two purposes. First, it means that if anyone tries to schedule either of you into a meeting, the time is already taken.

Second, just seeing it there will increase the sexual anticipation and ensure that you are both primed to down tools and head for the bedroom when your calendar alarm pings.

If that's not practical, taking turns might be an option. I can understand why your boyfriend is so keen in the mornings - male testosterone levels peak between 7am and 10am. One study found that men aged 30 to 40 had average testosterone levels that were 30 to 35% higher than when measured in the mid to late afternoon. Women's hormones tend to fluctuate according to their cycle but oestrogen levels also peak in the morning.

If you find it hard to relax because you worry about being late for work, plan in advance - set the alarm to wake you up a little earlier, if that's not too obvious a thing to say.

Similarly, if you want to have sex in the evening, try to get home a little earlier. After a long day it can be harder to switch to an erotic mindset, so sex is more likely to be on the cards if you've been building up to it with some suggestive messages or a voice note. It can also be helpful to engage in a transition activity, such as doing yoga together, which calms your body and your mind.

It may not be possible to change your body clocks but you can change your perspective and the kind of activities that you engage in.

Sex podcasters Vanessa and Xander Marin recommend a sex menu where you suggest what you are up for and get your partner to pick.

Take sex out of the bedroom and make love somewhere else in the house. Forgo foreplay and get straight to business. Or take intercourse off the cards altogether and spend ten minutes giving each other a massage.

It doesn't really matter what you do. All that matters is that you jolt yourselves out of the rut that you find yourselves in.

You are, as you say, far too young to allow your sex drives to remain out of sync, so try new things and have some fun while you can.

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