Sex File: My husband wants me to initiate sex more but I'm too scared he'll say no

As libidos decline, it can become easier and easier to not have sex. Picture: iStock

l ENJOY sex with my husband, but I rarely find myself pushing for it. I know he would love me to initiate more, but I am mortified if he's not up for it. It puts me off asking at all. We're in our fifties. Is it possible to hear "not tonight" without feeling hurt?

No one likes being rejected. And because humans have a tendency to avoid behaviours that create negative feelings, you are, obviously, less likely to do something that has left you feeling embarrassed or vulnerable in the past. Understanding your response to rejection is the easy bit. The difficult bit is remembering that most of us aren't very skilful in turning our partners down - and there are many reasons why someone might not be up for sex that don't mean they are rejecting you.