Richard Hogan: Rearing children is a consuming activity, but what will be left when they leave?

The busyness of life, responsibilities, chores and regular banal routine is famous for killing desire
Richard Hogan: Rearing children is a consuming activity, but what will be left when they leave?

Richard Hogan: You can have a deeper intimacy with your partner that isn’t primarily based on physical intimacy, but it requires intention. Picture: Moya Nolan

Ah, those early moments of new romance. Living by your vagaries, the excitement to see each other, the utter pain of separation by night or distance. The joy in the shared complicity of dreams about the future, not to mention the excitement of getting to know each other physically. It’s like an undiscovered territory, and you’re an eager tourist. Finding it almost impossible to keep your hands off each other. Remember? Oh God, I think I might sound like Yeats, looking at youth and declaring, ā€œThat is no country for old men, the young in one another’s armsā€. I certainly recite those lines as I walk through St Stephens Green surrounded by kids in the first throws of romantic dalliance. Yes, those early days of a fledging relationship can be remarkable and sustain us long after the initial excitement and physical desire for each other passes.

I meet couples in my work and I often hear the same narrative being described; they started out passionate for each other and their love brought children into the world, but then the busyness of life, responsibilities, chores and regular banal routine did what it is famous for, killing desire, and the couple barely sees one another anymore. They are, the proverbial, ships passing in the night.

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