What it's like becoming a mum in a global pandemic 

What is it like having a baby in lockdown, knowing that when it ends, not only will people meet your baby, they’ll also see you for the first time as a mum? Jennifer Stevens, who had her second baby in 2020, talks to first-time mothers

Jennifer Stevens with her daughter, Molly, who had six weeks of normal life before lockdown hit last March.

Molly, my second daughter, was born in early February 2020. It was that blissful part of the year where we were aware of a virus on the other side of the world, but it had not yet changed all our lives. There was extra hand sanitiser in the hospital, and midwives and consultants occasionally mentioned it in passing, but there was no major concern.

My mother-in-law was in my house when we got back from hospital. It was the week of the general election and my husband, who works in television news, was busy. It was the busiest he’d be all year, we thought, so his mum and then my mum would be on hand for the first week to help. I had a section and a 20-month-old, so an extra pair of hands was definitely needed. How we laugh now at our naivety about how busy his working year would be.

I heard about the schools closing while I was waiting in the doctor’s surgery for Molly’s six-week check-up. That’s how I’ve counted time for the last year. She had six weeks of normality before the world stopped and became very small.

When I had Mae in 2018, our days were made up of coffees with friends, walking into town, and classes where we met other babies and new mums.

We had moved from Dublin city to Kildare a few months before Molly was born, so I knew this maternity leave would be different. I had no friends close by and wasn’t planning any mum-and-baby classes anyway — the thought of having to deal with two small children and get them out of the house to any schedule was already filling me with dread. 

I was content to go between grandparents and set myself up with tea and cake. Maybe I’d venture to the shops when I’d gotten the hang of the two of them. Lockdown put an end to that.

Their dad had to go to work every day and plan the news bulletins we all watched to find out how bad things were, so I pounded the pavements around my house. We were lucky to have moved somewhere so green and expansive before the country closed and I had lots of beauty within my 5km, but there hadn’t been enough time between moving in, having a baby and the world falling apart to make new friends or discover our new town, so I was walking alone, trying to look in control of a double buggy that often housed one and sometimes two screaming babes.

At first, I took pictures and videos of everything and sent them on to friends and family, but after a while I cut down on even that. I read lots about how a baby needs very little, how you are their world and I know that Molly is happy and content. But I missed showing her off. Her grannies missed her being a baby and I have friends who have never met her. 

Her first birthday party last month was the four of us and, though it was lovely and we all ate cake, I had a little cry for all the people who haven’t seen her funny little personality grow and change. She is fearless and brave and loves to feed two crows that seem to have adopted her.

There was a brief reprieve in the summer, when we got out and spent time with family, but we were careful and there were no hugs to be had. I’m glad that we have got through this with everyone we love safe and well and, though I know Molly won’t even remember this time, it’s left its mark on my heart.

Marie Healy and her partner, Michael, celebrated the arrival of baby Mikey a few days after Christmas 2020. They live in Nadd, Co Cork.

Marie and Mikey

"There are a lot of positive and negatives about having a baby in Covid, I think. We’ve had a great chance to really get to know each other and experience a lot of him just as a family of three. He’s not being constantly up in arms or being held by visitors but, at the same time, it’s hard. I'd love everyone to meet him because I think he's just the best thing ever —  he's gorgeous.

"My sister Róisín was home from Dublin when he was born, which was great. She was actually here when I went into labour, so I might have put her off having a baby for life! When we got home from hospital, she had arranged balloons and got the house ready and made a video of us coming back.

"But she had to go home after new year and that was hard. She rang me last week to tell me I wasn’t sending enough photos and videos! 

"Michael's sister was supposed to come over from Australia when I had him, which of course didn't happen, and his other sister is in Dublin and didn't come home for Christmas, so we don't know when she'll meet him either.

"My grandmother hasn't met him properly. She has only seen him through the window. She's in her 70s and I’m conscious of being careful. Sometimes I think I should call and it will be fine, but then I think what if something happened?

"He was all smiles and laughing yesterday and I sent a video of him laughing to my grandmother, then I looked at the last picture I sent her and he looked so much smaller than in the one I took yesterday.

"Everyone’s missing out because he’s changing all the time.

I’m mostly fine, but then some days are just harder than others, for everyone I guess. 

"My uncle rang one day to see how I was getting on. He said something like 'sure he'll be walking by the time I meet him', and I just burst out crying. Then I tried ringing him back maybe two days later and he wouldn’t answer. I had to text to tell him I wouldn’t cry if he picked up the phone!

"My partner Michael is a farming contractor, so he works long hours. He’s gone by 9am and isn’t back until 8pm or 9pm, so we’re here by ourselves. You do get lonesome. 

"I had visions of my maternity leave, where I thought I’d be calling into see my nan for coffee or meeting people for walks or lunch, and of course it’s not like that.

"It’s the chat and advice that you’d miss. I had no antenatal classes or mother-and-baby groups and I think that’s hard, but everyone is learning to adapt. There’s a Zoom group starting through the doctor’s surgery that I’ve joined, where you can pop into that to meet other mums and have a chat, and I’m really looking forward to that.

"It was Róisín’s 30th birthday last week. We sent her a cake and balloons, but it just wasn’t the same. I was really sad that day. 

"Mikey’s arrival, his christening, big birthdays are all milestones you want to celebrate together, not apart. There is only so much photos and videos can do, you know?"

Róisín Finnegan lives in Dublin with her French husband Charles. They welcomed baby Aurèle last November.

Roisin and baby Aurele in Dublin.

"I think in many ways I found having a baby during lockdown ok, because Aurèle is my first baby and I had nothing to compare it to. If it was your second or third birth, and you were used to things being different, it would all impact you more.

"Charles couldn’t come to any of my appointments and that actually really upset him. I’m very practical and was just getting on with it, but then I realised that it’s his first time being a parent too.

"The worst appointment, and the one everyone talks about, is the 20-week scan. I was really nervous going into that one, I felt sick. I thought, imagine if something happens and then you have to ring the person or go home to them and tell them.

"I was scheduled to have planned C section, but then went into labour a week early. 

We got a taxi to Holles Street, but Charles had to leave me at the door. He couldn’t come in at that stage, which was really hard for both of us.

"I don’t know what the hospital would have been like normally, but I probably would've hated people coming in to see me. I was exhausted and I found that, when I was on my own, I could actually take the time to think about questions for the midwife, whereas if there were people around, I might not been as aware.

"I was on crutches from month five of my pregnancy and couldn’t really walk. I do wonder if some of that was because I was at home all the time and not moving much. 

"Then on the other side, Charles and I usually travel lots for work and I should have been in London, the US and Dubai while I was pregnant and I didn’t have to do any of that. There are good things and bad things about pregnancy in lockdown.

"When lockdown eased a little, we went to my parents for 10 days over Christmas. It’s usually the house that everyone calls to, but it was very different this year and my mum was really conscious of the baby and keeping him safe. But I haven’t seen them since, and I don’t know when I will again.

"But at least my family have met him. Charles’ family are in Paris and he hasn’t been home since Christmas 2019. Obviously, Facetime's great, but we definitely would have been in France by now, and his parents and siblings would have been over lots too. 

"I’m a bit worried that by the time our families see him, Aurèle will be six months and make strange, and that will be upsetting for everyone.

"I’m trying to be positive and pragmatic and I’ve actually been fine, but sometimes it hits you. I was out for a walk with the baby and it started lashing rain and I thought this is awful, I can’t even go into a coffee shop; I can’t believe I’ve nowhere to even stand in the rain."