Dear Dáithí: A relative left our parents' lovely holiday home in an awful state

It looks like my uncle let a son of one of his golfing buddies use my parent's holiday villa. How should we sort this?

'Should we ask my uncle to confirm if he handed over the keys to a lovely villa to some louts who don’t know how to use a mop or washing machine? 

Dear Dáithí,

My parents have a villa in the Canaries, and are very generous to all our family with it. They give us a week each there every year and sometimes an option of another off-season week.

Mum and dad also let various relatives use it when they’re back home here. They only ask that we tidy up as we leave and put out new bed linen for whoever visits next. They pay a local cleaner to come in and make it lovely in between each longer visit.

We always leave a voucher for a local restaurant as a thank-you and make sure we leave the villa in very good condition, of course.

My uncle was there recently and when my sister was over there the following week, she said it was left very messy. The sheets weren’t washed and the dishwasher was left in an awful state. The bathroom was somehow left damp from floor to ceiling and everything looks grimy. The microwave revolving plate is missing and some of the loungers on the upstairs patio are broken too.

She was a bit shocked but didn’t want to upset my parents, who were so far away. She had to call out a cleaner it was so bad. She did her best to clean up first so she could enjoy her first night’s stay, and while she was cleaning she found several empty cases of beer (my uncle doesn’t drink), a T-shirt that definitely wouldn’t be his style, and a note saying "cheers for the loan of the gaff".

So, it looks like my uncle let a son of one of his golfing buddies use it or something. It would be slightly awkward to read the riot act to my uncle, who hasn’t been well lately. But should we let my parents know or should we ask my uncle to confirm if he handed over the keys to a lovely villa to some louts who don’t know how to use a mop or washing machine? 

Should we ask for the contact info for these guys so they can pay for cleaning and repairs, or should we just quietly suggest to my parents they don’t lend the villa to anyone again?

Do you remember the Aldi ad before Christmas where the dad forgot something and the son went "classic dad" — my young fella says it all the time. But in this case it’s "classic Irish uncle", well it appears to be anyway for now.

Even the mention of the Canaries at this time of year is enough to get me thinking of a sun holiday and how lucky are you to have parents with a place in the sun. It’s one of my own dreams to have a place like that some day.

Your parents are really good too to give you all a week there. And the system you all have is great where the place is always clean and well looked after. This makes sure everyone can keep benefiting from it... until someone rocks the party boat and everyone else gets wet.

Your first step here is to find out what exactly happened — there is no point in accusing anyone of anything until you know the facts. All we know now is that it was your uncle that had the place the week before your sister.

So, he is the first person you call. You call and ask him if he stayed there. The answer might be yeah and, if so, ask him why the place was left in a mess. I know this person isn’t in the best of health so you will be kind and not jump down his throat.

If he did allow other people in there, ask him if he had permission from your parents. And when you find out who was in there, you need to tell him the state it was in when they left. You are not being mean here, you are perfectly within your rights to know what happened.

If it is the case that he did give the keys to someone else — and I think this is the case because of the note that was left — it is certainly NOT up to you to call them and tell them that the place had to be cleaned after them. This is up to your uncle. He made the real mess and it’s time for him to clean it up.

Dáithí Ó Sé: 'Your first step here is to find out what exactly happened — there is no point in accusing anyone of anything until you know the facts.' Picture: Domnick Walsh

It’s up to your uncle to pay your sister back now and then try and get the money back himself. Why should she have to wait, she has waited long enough?

It does sound too that he didn’t have permission from your parents — and if this is the case that is really bad form and I think your parents should know about it.

This isn’t like borrowing a hair dryer, this is a house and something very personal to you all and shouldn’t be treated like this.

Again, I’d give your uncle a chance to tell your parents. I really don’t think they know — but let him do it... and tell him you’re giving him the chance to get in there first. That is fair and kind, if you ask me.

I’m a firm believer that if you let people away with stuff like this they will continue to act this way all the time.

Yes, he’s not in the best of health and that’s why you have a soft approach to all of this, but you can’t just leave it go.

And if it’s a thing that he doesn’t tell your parents, then you need to chat to the rest of the family and go to your parents and say "uncle gave the keys away to someone else and the place was left in a state".

I don’t like the whole thing of telling on people but it’s important to inform them because they have a right to know who is in their property. What if one of them got injured in the house, they could get sued and they wouldn’t have even known they were in there.

On top of that, people who don’t have a connect with a house don’t have the same respect. I think if you have a rental property you expect others to be in the house, but a family holiday home is different, especially when your parents are so good to you all, including your uncle. You would have to really wonder what he was at and why he would do this and you would have serious questions about those he gave to keys to the way the place was left.

This problem will become a lot clearer after that first call with your uncle and all going well, he will deal with the rest of it, and it won’t happen again. You have a really good thing going and with the price of everything these days perks like this don’t come easy!