Richard Hogan: Introduce a positive behaviour to help drive out bad ones

We were all loveable when we were born, but not all of us received the love we should have received.  We have a very poor relationship with the concept of loving ourselves in this country

Richard Hogan: 'Changing our thoughts would be really beneficial if we wanted to improve our life. We are, what we think.'

New Year’s Day has a peculiar feel to it. Like a groggy Sunday, inert on the couch slowly coming to consciousness.

Everything feels a little strange. The night before, only a few hours ago, and yet seems like a lifetime. All those plans and good intentions, now feel a little bit more difficult to achieve in the brutal light of New Year’s Day.

But worry not, for I am here to tell you that new year’s resolutions are designed to make you even more miserable than before you dreamed them up. Resolutions generally start with great gusto, purging all bad foods from your diet, living like a Tibetan monk only to find your new way of life is unsustainable.

In fact, living without the things that make life a little better and worth living is misery-provoking. Quality of life is very important to consider when you think about how you want to achieve a healthier lifestyle. Purging all, is never the way to achieve sustained progress in life. It guarantees constant fluctuating, yo-yo dieting that leaves you feeling more powerless than before you set out on your task.

A dry January, only to have a tsunami February is of very little benefit to your health.

However, reducing the amount of alcohol intake over the year, would be far more beneficial. Setting realistic goals with a definite outcome in your mind is a positive way to think about the new year.

When you are trying to remove a bad behaviour from your life, I would recommend stacking a positive one on top of it.

I used to smoke in my 20s. When I wanted to give it up, I started going to the gym. I continued smoking for a while, but now I was jogging and going to the gym. Smoking seemed like a ridiculous habit to have when I was doing so much physically activity. I had stacked a positive behaviour on a negative one and the negative behaviour had to stop. I’ve never smoked since.

It is easy to think about new year’s resolutions in relation to behaviours and habits that we want to change. But what about our thoughts? We generally have a thought, that makes us feel a certain way and then we react with behaviour.

For example, if I think a negative thought like ‘I’m not very likeable’, that will make me feel negative emotions, and I might avoid going out, which will make feel even worse.

Changing our thoughts would be really beneficial if we wanted to improve our life. 

We are what we think. Having a better relationship with yourself would be the first thing I would change in 2026.

So many clients who come into my clinic have terrible self-talk. When I ask them ‘would you say something like that to me?’ They immediately answer ‘god no, I like you’.

When I explain that their first responsibility should be to like themselves, then and only then can they truly like others, I see them nodding their heads but finding it almost impossible to conceive of loving themselves.

We have a very poor relationship with the concept of loving ourselves in this country, we think it is vainglorious or narcissistic or might even bring something terrible to life.

We can think it’s almost bad luck to like yourself, life will whack you for walking down the street thinking ‘wow you’re beautiful and a good person’. Such vanity should be punished.

That’s kind of how we think. And it’s rubbish. We were all loveable when we were born, but not all of us received the love we should have received. A child will never experience a rupture in their attachment to their primary caregiver and think ‘it must be difficult for my parent to love me because of their childhood, it’s not my fault, I am loveable’.

Unfortunately a child will never think like that but rather come to a conclusion they must be unlovable. This creates a lifelong disruption in their psychology and increases negative self-talk. Eventually them become familiar with their negative thoughts, and fear living without them, like a chaotic, destructive roommate that you fear living without.

We can all achieve a little more peace in our lives.

So, this year, the year of 2026, make it your goal to have better self-talk. Try to understand yourself more.

Richard Hogan: 'I used to smoke in my 20s. When I wanted to give it up, I started going to the gym. I continued smoking for a while, but now I was jogging and going to the gym. Smoking seemed like a ridiculous habit to have when I was doing so much physically activity. I had stacked a positive behaviour on a negative one and the negative behaviour had to stop. I’ve never smoked since.'

You more than likely came out of a messy home, and so you’re messy, we are all a little bit complicated and messy. Have compassion for that person. They’re not perfect. That’s okay.

Try to see yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. What do they see? Someone who is worthy and loveable. But not perfect.

You are enough, and of course you can be better. We all can be a better version of ourselves but that’s not a reason to berate yourself with terrible negative self-talk.

You can be healthier this year. That’s an easy enough fix: stack a few good habits on the bad ones and see which ones last. It’s hard to demolish a tin of Celebrations after you have run five kilometres.

But relax about your body too, it’s not perfect but beautiful. It’s difficult to hate yourself when you start talking in a more compassionate way to yourself.

If I was recommending one thing to do this year, I would say, be kinder to yourself.