Diary of a Gen Z Student: The college course you pick tells me what kind of person you are

You may think this is a flawed system; people are complex — maybe the medical students aren’t always the biggest liability on a night out! I am in the fourth year of my degree, so I think I know what I’m on about

Jane Cowan: "Engineering students can be spotted a mile away. Their eyes sullen, their faith in humanity clearly waning. The only thing keeping them from dropping out is the vision of a well-paid job."

When I first came to college, I thought it seemed very practical that one side of Trinity’s campus is for the Stem students, the other for humanities. We work with different sides of the brain... we don’t need to mix.

But something funny happens when you separate the poetry kids from the calculus ones. We view each other as obscure, inscrutable creatures. I, for one, am slightly scared of people who sign themselves up to study a Stem subject. That kind of ability to withstand pain is somewhat concerning. Masochism obscured by a degree.

After a semester in college, we all start to view each other in terms of our area of study. It’s like a personality test.

If I’m told what course you’re studying in college, I have decided what kind of person you are. You may think this is a flawed system; people are complex — maybe the medical students aren’t always the biggest liability on a night out. Well, you could be right.

But I am in the fourth year of my degree, so I think I know what I’m on about. Maybe being judgemental is the correct approach. I’m yet to be proven wrong on this. Allow me to explain...

The people studying foreign languages are the campus hippies. Floaty trousers, colourful hair, vegetarian. They heard a hot man speak French when they were 15 years old and are still chasing that high. They want to secure themselves a similarly stunning future partner, and speaking the language of their imagined husband or wife is the best place to start. Points for commitment.

Those studying finance have one thing on their mind... a house in Dalkey and the car to match. Their main passion is a pay cheque so large it borders on unethical, waiting for them upon graduation. Cut-throat, conniving, tactical. They make me question my own choices.

Jane Cowan: "English students (that’s me) are the hottest on campus. The lack of class time means that, on the rare occasion we do show up to campus, it’s treated as a fashion show. A mini skirt with a cape on a Wednesday morning would be ordinary."

Medical students are some of our most unhinged. They’re the best craic on a night out. They study like machines, work overnight in hospitals without pay, get a cadaver on their first day of college, and live on caffeine. All of that pressure has to be released, which explains their feral behaviour the second they enter a bar. Their ability to do it all is laudable. They give me hope for the future of the HSE.

Engineering students can be spotted a mile away. Their eyes sullen, their faith in humanity clearly waning. The only thing keeping them from dropping out is the vision of a well-paid job.
Because they didn’t realise that they were basically signing up for four years of maths when they put engineering down on their CAO. They feel hard done by. And I can’t blame them.

If you study politics, you can’t convince me that you don’t have a poster of Micheál Martin hanging above your bed. You’re definitely too invested in campus politics, but not in the sense that you want to subsidise the student canteen. You’re mainly hoping to have your face printed on some leaflet about Marxism, securing future votes for when you go for taoiseach one day. A voice for the people of south County Dublin — a notoriously underrepresented demographic.

People who study Irish will talk about British imperialism at every opportunity. They wear Aran jumpers, listen to Kneecap like the hip-hop trio will come up on their next exam (they might), and drink copious amounts of tea (Barry’s only). They definitely have a tattoo of Catherine Connolly on their chest... I think.

English students (that’s me) are the hottest on campus. The lack of class time means that, on the rare occasion we do show up to campus, it’s treated as a fashion show. A mini skirt with a cape on a Wednesday morning would be ordinary. 

Despite the fashion, we’re not a particularly outgoing bunch. Probably most comfortable reading in the library. But once you scratch that surface, you might be talking to insanity rivalled only by our future doctors. They all want to be writers and poets... that requires at least a screw loose. Put it this way: I have been on numerous nights out with English students where Joyce’s letters to his wife Nora were read out after a few drinks. We have all read them.

You can draw any number of conclusions about someone’s character from the method of torture (degree) they chose to subject themselves to.

There may not be scientific rigour beneath these assertions. But I know that I am correct.

If you want facts, ask one of those Stem freaks. I don’t deal with superficial things like reality. I’m wearing a cape, for God’s sake.