Richard Hogan: In my experience, children who get everything come to enjoy nothing

I’m not suggesting we don’t give our kids anything, I’m saying that we should help them to also think about others at this time of immense gift receiving

Richard Hogan: "We don’t recall the gifts as much as we recall the vibe in the house. Whether it was happy or unhappy. We remember how we were together at that particular time."

Christmas is nearly here. The annual Christmas ‘klaxon’ — The Late Late Toy Show — is going to sound next Friday, sending children and parents in to a
shopping delirium.

I love this time of year, the children all excited about the big man coming, the constant writing and rewriting of their list: The pjs, the fire, the food, the Christmas markets.

We now have a new dog to get in on the action, and the girls have dressed her up appropriately! It’s her first Christmas, after all. 

The eldest daughter is a lot more in to make-up and clothes these days — those few magic years of coming down and knocking on the door to make sure you’re not disturbing Rudolf and gang are special. They are ephemeral and wonderful.

I’m currently over in the Philippines, meeting officials to sign a memorandum of understanding, so that the school we have built delivers government-approved programmes. Christmas is very much in full swing here, even though it’s a whopping 34°C.

Christmas is meant to be cold, with a whipping, icy wind that would freeze those brass monkeys good and proper. I love it. Grafton Street: The shop windows, children running in and out of shops all wrapped up, the excited buzz in town. The dreams of the day and how it will unfold. It’s all a bit magical in this time of world weariness.

The cynic might say it’s all commercial nonsense, but, by god, don’t we all need a little bit of joy this year? You can see what the pagans were up to, trying to break the back of winter with a joyous festival.

We’ve weathered a lot this winter. The noise from across the pond is deafening. So, let’s not overthink it. Let’s enjoy it. Catholic guilt for having fun, be gone!

It’s hard, as parents, to get this season right. You don’t want to develop in your child an expectancy that they can get whatever enters their mind, but they should get a few things they really want. It’s a tricky balance; but one we should consider.

Children who get everything come to enjoy nothing. There is gold in the unfamiliar. I’m not suggesting we don’t give our children anything, I’m saying that we should help them to also think about others at this time of  immense gift receiving. Because most parents were raised during the 1970s or 1080s — not a time of abundant affluence, as 

I’m sure we can all recall — they often feel like they should give their children more than they had. I have felt like this myself, at times. And I have had to work against that impulse.

How many gifts can any of us really remember? Not too many. We don’t recall the gifts as much as we recall the vibe in the house; whether it was happy or unhappy. We remember how we were together at that particular time. That is the real gift parents give children. Of course, presents are in there, too, but we should never forget it’s all  about being together.

I work with the Badjao community here in Davao, and they have very little by way of material things. But I am always struck by how much they care for each other, how much joy they have in sharing life together. It is almost like they are endowed with the gift of laughter. It’s like their super power.

They find fun in everything. I know it is easy, perhaps even condescending, to say money doesn’t make you happy.

People who are very wealthy offer great platitudes about the emptiness of money, but I see it. I often meet very wealthy people, and I work with some of the

poorest in this world and I have come to the same conclusion: You can have everything and nothing all at once, and have nothing and everything, too.

I was out on a skiff yesterday, bobbing on the Pacific, when I managed to get a signal and an X (the message formerly known as a tweet) from Gavin Newsom popped up. It read, ‘Poor Donny’. 

Coverage was lost and I didn’t get to read what he was on about. But I got the gist. Poor Donny, indeed. Everything in his world is transactional for him, about getting one up on some dupe.

poor donny pic.twitter.com/GEhaspmZDe

— Gavin Newsom (@GavinNewsom) November 22, 2025

That’s the sum and summit of his earthly experience: Emptiness personified.

I was thinking about how we have to guard against that developing in our children. We can often get caught creating a transactional relationship with them, which will make them very unhappy later in life.

The Badjao have very little in terms of wealth, but when they do something for you, they are never looking for a payout. They do it because they want to help you. There is joy in that for them. I feel it when I’m with them.

The joy of doing something for each other because we love each other, not for some monetary end. We can often tell our children, ‘If you do the dishwasher I’ll give you a fiver’ or ‘walk your sister up to the shop and I’ll buy you a treat’ or ‘if you’re good now Santa will get you the stuff you are after’.

It can be very transactional and something I urge us all to guard against. Christmas is a special time. I think we need a good one this year more than most. Happy Christmas one and all.