Colm O'Regan: I’d like to bring some mini-subjects to the Leaving Cert — how about Cop On and Driver Etiquette?

Colm O'Regan: "This year, the final exam is on Tuesday, June 24. While all their friends are out earning and driving lorries, spare a thought for those doing Japanese, Politics and Society, Religious Education, or Applied Mathematics." Picture: Chani Anderson.

The first Wednesday after the June bank holiday. That date is indelibly printed on my mind.

The Leaving Cert timetable is one of those understated design classics. A tall page with the department logo on the top of it. LEAVING CERTIFICATE EXAMINATION in bold, along with the small print, in stern Times New Roman.

Give or take a few subjects, the pattern is the same. Familiar subjects at the start, mad wans at the end.

I still look at it and see where the gaps are and think about where I might get some last-minute stuff done. Exam experts will say not to rely on last-minute cramming but I find in the cold sweat of panic, I get a certain clarity that was lacking in the previous six years.

Some legends have no gaps. They’ve picked their subjects to be done within a week. They’re in Santa Ponsa on the first Tuesday evening while everyone else is opening their classical studies book for the first time. 

They did Home Ec, Engineering, Biology, and Geography. These are the kind of people who like intensity and variety and being finished in a record time. They’re probably doing Hyrox.

I was in the middle — a 10-day basic bitch. I look down through the mad wans that I never did. The mysterious ‘third week’ subjects, out into the June 20s. In my day there were rumours about ones that were handy for the points. 

Apparently, Agricultural Economics or Classical Studies that you could pretty much start the course after your second last exam and still fly it. Someone’s brother did it and apparently got an A.

This year, the final exam is on Tuesday, June 24. While all their friends are out earning and driving lorries, spare a thought for those doing Japanese, Politics and Society, Religious Education, or Applied Mathematics. 

I know there have to be clashes but what if you wanted to do all of these? It’s like they are trying to prevent people from becoming podcast hosts.

Into this crowded mix I’d like to bring some mini-subjects. Little halflings that give a lot of bang for their buck. One-hour exams, two subjects for the points of one.

How about: Cop On as a subject? This is not a slight on young people. It’s more a reflection on the luadramans you meet later in life and wonder: Could they have done with a course in Cop On at a crucial moment?

There would be modules on driver etiquette, how not to drive up my hole, acknowledging when someone lets you out. Indicators.

Also, developing much-needed skills like: Is this news story you’re about to share in the family WhatsApp actually real, or are you just doing Putin’s job for him for free?

Another half subject could be on nostalgia. The generation gap needs to be closed. Not for the sake of the kids but for us. The nostalgia generation who spend ages just remembering things and asking others if they also recall them.

They say the Leaving Cert has to prepare you for life. Well, one of the things you’ll be doing in life is working with older colleagues.

You will be a much better colleague if you haven’t insulted the Gen Xer next to you by not knowing what a landline is.

Modules could include hitchhiking, taping off the radio, missing programmes, and how to plug in dial-up. Education is about society, let’s bring us closer together.

How about an extra history module on scandals? We get so fatigued by all the chicanery, we forget all the various scandals.

Students study history, and they might specialise in a particular area but need to learn from the troubles of the past and break the cycle of bicycle sheds, voting machines, and robot trees.

Whatever your choices, best of luck to all!