Colm O'Regan: There are different types of heckles - and this is the worst one

Heckling is like someone putting in a claim for fake whiplash. They are taking money away from the group.

Fri, 21 Feb, 2025 - 01:00

Columnist with the Irish Examiner.

Technically, That Peter Kay Thing is a TV programme from 2000. The show that gave birth to Phoenix Nights.

Now, That Peter Kay Thing is shorthand for the incident where two hecklers were thrown out of his show by security at the Manchester Arena.

Nothing new about this story. ‘Pains in the hole removed from the place they were being a pain in the hole in’ is the story. Nothing more.

It’s just the scale of the arena and the size of the star that social media has run with it. But wherever two or three are gathered in my name (literally the size of a crowd once), there is a chance that one of them will want to chip in with their own material.

There are different types of heckle. There’s the funny one. I let them have their glory. It has added to the pot of laughs.

It was perfect for the moment. You hope for their sake that the heckler will grab that moment, cash out, and bank it.

Others will think ‘this is a life-changing new-career moment’ and try and follow up.

Their follow-up heckle rarely reaches the same quality. It’s like when Leicester City won the Premier League.

A particular set of circumstances conspired to allow them to succeed, but that moment has passed.

If the heckler carries on, I tend to remind them that “comedy is difficult isn’t it?”, and “it sounded funnier in their head”, and “I understand that they are trying to help but if it’s ok with you, I’ll take it from here”.

Hopefully, the crowd will be on my side and, if they’re still continuing, I appeal to the crowd’s innate sense of value for money.

Heckling is like someone putting in a claim for fake whiplash. They are taking money away from the group. I ask the crowd who have they paid to see. (I pray they’ll say it’s me.)

That should get the crowd booing them and telling them to shut up. (From the safety of the crowd. It depends on the size of the heckler though.)

As Stalin is supposed to have said, quantity has its own quality. If the crowd is small, there simply aren’t enough allies you can count on. That’s a scary moment.

If you start trying to put the heckler down in that setting, then it’s just you shouting at their friend. I tend to change the subject at that point. We are in a dead end.

The most annoying heckle is just people talking. It’s the one that baffles me. Why did you spend money to come here and talk? It’s like booking a restaurant to have a nap. There are far cheaper ways of having a chat.

The hardest heckle, believe it or not, is the silly laugh. It disrupts the whole balance of a heckling situation. They are laughing at your jokes. You can’t be too cross at someone for the shape of their voice box.

It’d be like throwing someone out for having a turn in their eye.

But it is disruptive. The audience laugh at the laugher. They’re waiting for the crazy laugh again — which distracts them. And distraction is the enemy of the joke.

If the silly laugher stops laughing, then my joke must have been REALLY bad. If your laugh is like that, I would ask you to sit towards the back and try to laugh at the same time as everyone else. And laugh into your jumper.

For would-be hecklers, before you start, just silently ask yourself this question: Am I helping?

Then ask it again silently for the next …oh 25 minutes or so. Now what would you like to say? Oops time’s up, sorry!