Esther McCarthy: I’ve had three sections and it's not the easy way out — it’s major surgery

I tried everything to get that baby out of me, spicy food, acupuncture, a penis. Nothing worked

Esther McCarthy: 'I’ve been hearing this a bit recently; Irish mothers-to-be looking favourably on getting baby out via the sunroof rather than the more conventional bonnet option.' Picture: Emily Quinn

I saw a friend recently, and she is very obviously pregnant. All the signs are there. Her bump is a perfect semi sphere, round and high. She’s got that waddle going on, like John Wayne’s drunk duck. Her pelvis is clearly separating as we speak.

She’s wearing a cool tight T-shirt that’s showing the outline of her popped belly button, and maternity jeans, with one of those Buzz Lightyear waist bands (to infinity, and beyond!), and her hair has that gorgeous gloss that only a human creating another human is bequeathed for a brief, glorious window of time.