Richard Hogan: Pride and prejudice co-exist for LGBTQIA+ youth
The recent resurgence of homophobic hatred has highlighted the absolute necessity of teaching our children tolerance and to celebrate the love and joy shown during Pride
Family Psychotherapist.
When I think of my childhood school friends, they are always there in the periphery, slightly off to the left. Always to one side. And I can’t help but think if I move the locus of my head to the left, my early school days will come into full view. There I am, sitting in one of those uncomfortable chairs in my national school, the smell of chalk making me sneeze.
As I look around I can see all of my old friends; some faces are blank, I can’t recall them. Some are no longer living. Some are very familiar and smiling back at me. What connects all of us, is that none of us is gay.
Of course, there were gay boys in my class, but none of them felt safe to admit who they were. And when I moved into secondary school, again, no gay teenagers there either. When I think about that experience and the Ireland we live in today, I feel a certain amount of shame and pain for those children who grew up in a time that was incredibly myopic and destructive about the views it held in relation to the people we love.
They were simply born in the wrong time. A time before the same-sex marriage referendum of 2015. A time when people didn’t feel pride about their orientation and had to hide it for fear of prosecution. A time when to hold someone’s hand could mean you would be savagely beaten. A time when to love someone from the same-sex meant you had a mental disorder. It’s a dark legacy, one that we must not forget.
But I am also very proud to be Irish because we have moved a long way from the homogenous society I grew up in during the 70s and 80s. Ours is a diverse Ireland, one that acknowledges and celebrates all members of our community.
Yesterday marked the start of Pride week, turning the rainbow green, as the saying goes. Pride is such an important word for what this week means. I have worked with teenagers now for over 20 years. I have seen first-hand the devastating consequences for young minds when they are forced to hide who they truly are for fear of societal discourse or physical harm. This Pride week seems more important than ever. We have had a number of terrible incidences over the last couple of months that are stark reminders of the need to support each other so that we all feel safe about who we love.
And yet, the murders of Aidan Moffitt and Michael Snee, and the attack on Evan Somers remind us that we still have a long way to go to eradicate oppressive and
pathological thinking about sexuality. Pride is a significant event because it shows people (like the person who attacked Evan Somers) that their ignorant and archaic way of viewing the world is no longer acceptable. Calling someone a ‘faggot’ and ‘beating the shit out of them’ as Evan’s tweet revealed, has no place in our society, it will not be tolerated and will be punished by the full extent of the law.
Celebrating Pride shows the world that an attack on any member of our community is an attack on all of us and by all of us coming together whether we are gay, straight, bi, queer, trans — it sends a very important message of solidarity. And it makes someone who has disturbed views about sexuality think twice before they act and harm someone.
I have had the privilege of working with so many young people over the last 20 years. This particular generation of teenagers refuses to allow themselves to be positioned outside what is considered the norm. They are formidable in the celebration of their sexuality. Of course, this comes from parents and a society that has empowered them to think of themselves beyond reductionist labels.
When I worked with teenagers first, the majority was struggling with sexuality issues. That has decreased significantly over the last number of years. I am always filled with such joy when I see the rainbow post boxes and garda cars. Because I know, if you are a child sitting at home, thinking there is something wrong with you because you feel uncomfortable in the clothes you are wearing or who you want to love, all these signs in society tell you: you are not weird, you are not alone and you are normal.
Pride is such an important event in the calendar for our children. I’ll leave the last word on the meaning of Pride to a beautiful young gay man I had the pleasure of teaching last year.
Alex inspired me in so many ways, his courage and honesty were a joy to witness, and these are his words about the meaning of Pride for him:
“To see the coming together of our community for Pride week, that has endured so much together, not only is a win for the greater scale of Irish culture but a win for the personal culture of LGBTQIA+ youth like myself.”
