Richard Hogan: Can I separate from my partner without damaging the children?

Dear Richard, my wife and I are separating. We have two children, 12 and 10. We would both really appreciate some advice on how to do this.

Richard, my wife and I are separating. We have two children, 12 and 10. They don’t know yet but they must be aware that we are not getting on. We don’t shout at each other, so there are no huge conflicts but there are silences that speak loudly. We have had a number of issues in the marriage over recent years and we have both decided to separate. I think it will come as a surprise to the children. We both love our children and want to do this in a way that doesn’t disturb them for life. I have noticed that as we get closer to making the announcement to our children my wife has become more hostile towards me. We would both really appreciate some advice on how to do this. Thank you.

I’m very sorry to read your marriage has come to a conclusion. When we start out on this journey together and bring children into the world we never plan for the eventuality that it might not work out. We never think about the possibility of things being so difficult that the marriage won’t make it. But according to martial statistics, over 18,109 marriages ended in divorce or separation between 2011 and 2016. With nearly 5,266 couples applying for divorce in 2021.