Alison Curtis: The importance of learning empathy early on
Pic: Marc O'Sullivan
Teaching our children empathy is one of the most valuable lessons they can learn early on in life. It is one of the qualities I most admire in people.
There are so many opportunities for them to learn this life skill, particularly in the classroom.
My daughter Joan is in fourth class and it is definitely a big jump from third class, in terms of what they are learning but also in how they are managed as a group in the classroom. They are given a lot more autonomy over their behaviour and a lot more is expected of them in terms of conflict resolution and self-regulation.
Recently the class was set a challenge. Each pod had to help one student in their pod figure out a word written down by using their own understanding of the word — kind of like Pictionary.
Joan was the student trying to figure out the word and on one occasion didn’t get it. She returned to her seat feeling a bit bad that she might have let the table down. This was an opportunity for the other children to reassure her it was OK and not a big deal — to empathise with her as one day they will be the kid standing in front of the class trying to win points for the table.
It was also a good chance for Joan to express her disappointment on behalf of the table and to acknowledge that she had a role to play in getting a point for the pod as they were all on the same team.
We spoke about it on the drive home that day and it was interesting what she had to say about how she felt and how the other kids reacted. I was reassured that she was measured about it all, that she didn’t feel completely low about it, and that she also recognised that it was the role of the other kids in her pod to be understanding.
I explained that if she made herself aware of the other person’s point of view, it could help lessen her reaction to bad behaviour and, even more so, maybe help the other person with whatever it was they were going through.
Of course, it is not always possible or right to simply “put the shoe on the other foot”. That again will be her learning as she gets older — to spot those moments and give the other person grace or not.
For all of these reasons, which lead to the long and important conversation we had heading home that day, I thought it was an interesting exercise for the teacher to have the class take part in.
It will naturally be harder for some kids to learn empathy or to apply it so early in their lives. They are after all still so young and learning each day. However, our job as parents is to try to spot as many moments as we can and put it through the filter of teaching them empathy so that, hopefully, it just becomes part of their personality and outlook on life.
Equally, kids can remind adults to show empathy. There have been many times throughout the pressures of getting to school, after school, dinners, and homework when I might say something negative or reactionary about someone else’s behaviour and Joan will calmly say: “Mom, maybe they aren’t having a great day.”
