Suzanne Harrington: Snagging a menopausal firecracker, part two

Here is some more advice for all the middle aged men on dating websites

I wouldn’t normally do this, but on the subject of last week’s middle aged dating profiles, I ran out of wordspace long before I ran out of words. So here’s part two of a handy guide to all you jowly lycra lovers out there in dating land, constructing profiles in the hope of snagging a menopausal firecracker for an introductory coffee. (Heteronormative disclaimer: As a straight woman, I only know the dating profiles of straight men. More’s the pity).

Anyway. A quick recap - no dead fish photos, no sports action shots. I forgot to include no scuba diving – how are we supposed to see what you look like if you’re encased head to toe in tight rubber? See also gimps, although you’ll need a different app for that. And motorbike gear – posing by your VroomVroom 850cc covered in Lego-coloured leather is one for the blokes, not the ladies, even if the ladies are themselves bikers. Same with comedy shots of your recent lads’ night out involving gurning, silly hats, and plastic pint glasses. We don’t want to see any of that.