Suzanne Harrington: We've got a lockdown puppy. It was like being part of a drug deal

Suzanne Harrington: Even if I had three grand down the back of the sofa, I wouldn’t give it to a breeder.

Obviously, we want a lockdown puppy. The dog, Angelina Jolie in her youth, is now more Angela Lansbury in dog years; when she still has some old dog life in her, we need her to train up an apprentice, show them the ropes.

But it’s lockdown and everyone wants a dog – 3.2 million in the UK, Ireland’s Dogs Trust receiving 400 enquiries a week. The price of puppies has gone mad, as has dog theft. Ireland is the puppy farming capital of Europe. I’d rather eat placenta than have anything to do with any of that – but where can we get a puppy? Even if I had three grand down the back of the sofa, I wouldn’t give it to a breeder.