Denis Lehane: 10 reasons why Glenroe needs to return
A Glenroe revival would be a sure-fire ratings winner and bring RTÉ back in from the cold.
Glenroe's departure from our television screens 25 years ago (this very month) was a tragic blow to rural Ireland.
Some are still reeling.
In an effort to right the wrong, this week, Auld Lehane has listed 10 rock-solid reasons why Glenroe should, and must, return immediately.
- It should never have gone in the first place! Like the loss of the corncrake, the loss of Glenroe is still keenly felt in those hard-to-reach places. Its removal was a tragedy. And it is now tragic to be attempting to replace something that was irreplaceable. Letting go of Glenroe, like letting go of a good breeding heifer, was a big mistake. We need to retrace our steps and go back to the Byrne household. We need to go back to Glenroe pronto.
- I miss Biddy. Speaking on a personal level (and on behalf of many men of a certain vintage), not seeing Biddy regularly on TV, is a hard pill to swallow. If Glenroe was, as many claim, rural Ireland's answer to , well then, Biddy was our Pamela Anderson. Enough said.
- If Miley could make it in farming, well then, anyone could. Glenroe gave us all hope. It particularly gave hope to those of us who struggled with farming. If Miley could do it, we could too. Miley showed us that a lot could be achieved downstairs, even if there wasn't too much going on up above. His farming methods in Glenroe gave hope to the hopeless. His mushroom enterprise inspired the nation to give it a lash. We badly need that carefree attitude in farming today. Irish farming has gone way too serious.
- Glenroe had a wonderful theme tune. Any TV programme that starts with a bit of ploughing is sure to catch the eye, and stoke the interest, and then when that Glenroe melody really kicked off, sure, we were hooked. The Glenroe theme tune was the best. There has never been a better theme tune in the whole of television history.
- No one says "Well, holy God," anymore. Alas, it has become terribly unfashionable to say "Well, holy God," in polite society, and more's the pity. I miss people saying "Well, holy God," almost as much as I miss the moving statue in Ballinspittle or the way Sally O'Brien might look at you.
- The country could do with cheering up. Whether it was Dinny and his dodgy greyhound, or Dinny and his dodgy free-range eggs, Glenroe could supply more laughter than a million . It gave us laughter by the bucketful, lifting the national mood with the ease of a fully functioning Transport Box.
- The potential for storylines in today's rural Ireland is immense. From Brazilian beef to Brazilian waxing, rural Ireland is very alive and very interesting right now. From Bird Flu to fuel price fury, there is still plenty to keep the pen very busy and the script writers more than satisfied. Storylines would be no bother.
- A new Glenroe could be filmed by RTÉ without the need to spend a whole lot of money. In these days when RTÉ fears spending money, there would be no need for panic at the national broadcaster with a rebooted Glenroe. A rebooted Glenroe could be made with very little dosh. An old tractor, a few caps, a couple of dry cows and a handful of hens is about all you need. Sure, it could be filmed right here in this yard. It's not the return of 007; nobody is expecting to see on the screen. It's only Glenroe, the most expensive thing in Glenroe used to be the price of a pint in Teasy McDaid's.
- It would have the nostalgia factor. Memories are something to cherish. And a return to Glenroe would be jam-packed full of fond memories and good vibes.
- Everyone would watch it. Guaranteed. Particularly if it began in the autumn, after the ploughing. And when you consider what passes for TV entertainment nowadays, Glenroe would be a sure-fire ratings winner. The glow from Glenroe would bring RTÉ back in from the cold and would remind us all that you don't need to look overseas to find talent or entertainment, in fact, you don't even have to leave the farm.
