Denis Lehane: RTÉ now more like Dallas than Glenroe
With thousands needlessly tossed away on flip-flops and gas-guzzling cars, RTÉ is now positioned closer to the characters of Dallas rather than the honest folk of Glenroe.
For years I have been campaigning to have a Glenroe reboot. A little nod to the farming community from the bigwigs who run that mighty organisation up there in Donnybrook.
Like a donkey with long hooves in dire need of paring, it's a job, to my mind, that should have been undertaken years ago. Glenroe should have never gone off the air in the first place.
The return of Glenroe. The return of Biddy from the dead and the rest from retirement was something that had occupied my every waking thought with years. Indeed, sometimes I used to lie awake in bed thinking about little else.
Where did it all go wrong? Why did RTÉ pull the plug on the only thing worth tuning in for?
In desperation, and to get something done, I courageously put together an outline of how I felt the story should run if it ever came back on our screens. And while writing was never my strong point, I'm more a man of action, I did my best considering all my limitations.
Biddy returns and Dick goes to ground. That was it in a nutshell. Say no more. And as for the cost of the new production? Well, my dear financial controller, you need not sweat about this one.
There wouldn't be any need to engage in one of them now famous, and indeed very flush, RTÉ Barter accounts. No. Not at all. All the hard work was done. All that would be required would be a green light and a new topper for my pencil.
So now, call it innocence, call it naivety, call it my youthful enthusiasm, but I had presumed that one day RTÉ would come knocking on my worn-out door enquiring as to how the thing could be pieced together.
A representative from RTÉ would drive down here to Kilmichael and demand to see my scribbling. And I would have been proud to thrust my bundle of papers into his hand. And then, I would sit back and watch as he rustled through my scattered mess.
After a spell he would enquire if Dinny's greyhound was still around? And whatever became of Blackie Conners? "My dear man," I would say "don't be fretting." For like a drop of rain on the back of a donkey, t'would make little difference in the end.
For once the theme tune for Glenroe was heard and Biddy appeared on screen, nobody would really care what was being said. It mattered little the first time round, it wouldn't matter now. We would be hooked once again to the characters of Glenroe and that's all that matters.
But now, alas, comes the news that RTÉ is no longer the place for dreamers. There will be no one calling to my door. RTÉ doesn't care about a Glenroe reboot. Nor does it care about you or me.
And so it is today, with tears in my eyes, that I realise the dream is over. There will be no return to Glenroe. With thousands needlessly tossed away on flip-flops and gas-guzzling cars, RTÉ is now positioned closer to the characters of Dallas rather than the honest folk of Glenroe.
The chances of the return of Ireland's favourite rural soap seem about as likely as the return of Dinny Byrne himself. RTÉ's only form of entertainment at present seems to be coming from The Public Accounts Committee, and that my friends, is a very low form of entertainment.
