Cormac MacConnell: This manopausal virus has dogged me

Do not be too shocked by my honest confession to you all today that I have suffered all my adult life from a virtually unreported and totally incurable manopausal virus, now identified as the lethal SJ Syndrome.

It will eventually kill me with its appalling and perennially worsening symptoms such as hot flushes, palpitations, nocturnal tremors and related insomnia.

Much is written constantly in the media about a far less serious female condition which strikes our sisterhood in their middle years, but lasts for only a few months, I understand, and is never lethal.