Do not be too shocked by my honest confession to you all today that I have suffered all my adult life from a virtually unreported and totally incurable manopausal virus, now identified as the lethal SJ Syndrome.

Since the long gone time of my ancestor Stuttering Mickie, who had the power to billet rats on farms which were not his own, and Lepping Larry, about whose morals even I cannot speak in a family newspaper today, there is a slew of hard evidence that all the MacConnell clan are as cracked as a cheap boarding house egg.