BEFORE you go to see Fifty Shades of Grey, you must enter into a contract. The contract is between the film dominating cinemas everywhere, and the audience submitting two hours and five minutes of their lives which they will never get back.

Apparently my man and I are very modern. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that we are one of those new-fangled LAT couples.

WORKING from home means a lot of time to stare distractedly out the window, wondering why you are here, what your purpose is, and whether your team will get out of the relegation zone before it’s too late.

Suzanne Harrington asks whose genius idea was it to cut children’s books while still funding animal suffering?

BOOBS out of The Sun! Boobs out for The Sun! Crikey, make up your mind, Rupert.

Few books in the self-help section will ever turn your life around, writes Suzanne Harrington. Real personal development requires far more time and often, professional help

THIS week, I learned on social media that a religion is like a penis. It’s fine to have one, and fine to be proud of having one, but it’s not fine to get it out in public, especially near children. Nor is it fine to write laws with it, nor to think with it.

MAYBE I’m a pervert, but I love January. Its calm gloom is like sinking into a cooling bath after the overheated mania of December.

Whenever we do stuff like Stoptober or Movember, it’s always to benefit ourselves. Movember is all about showing your awareness of prostate cancer by sporting a great big freshly-grown moustache which gets you extra likes on Facebook, while only the most uni-cellular amongst us need the benefits of stopping smoking in Stoptober spelled out.

Suzanne Harrington writes that Christmas as a single parent isn’t necessarily the nightmare everyone believes it to be