"Instead of folding our arms and stubbornly refusing to even whisper the word ‘tinsel’ until at least the second week of December, we have allowed this imported idiocy to become a thing."

"Listen, I tell them, today I need your feedback. But they haven’t heard the words ‘walk’ or ‘biscuit’, so they ignore me."

"We’ve ditched the plastic bags, straws and coffee cups, maybe even gone vegan or got an electric car or stopped flying - so what more can we do, short of going off grid and upholstering ourselves in solar panels?"

"Even if you support a club based in one of the gayest towns in Europe – like Brighton & Hove Albion, with their rainbow merch and inclusive policies – there are no players queering the pitch."

Succession reminds me of an Einstein quote from 1949

"It’s not the dog’s fault it’s a teen nightmare – the good news is that they grow out of it far faster than human teens"

These days the holiday prep isn’t just about the pandemic. It’s about travelling while middle-aged. It’s about doom packing.

"...the UK is now the kind of place that it would traditionally invade in the name of human rights..."

Some poor teenage baker has already had to delete her Facebook page because of two things: she is the Bake Off’s first vegan contestant, and she has a horse called Winnie.

"You don’t need to be a sociologist, anthropologist, or any other kind of ologist to work out that skewed sex ratios result in grave social imbalance"