Suzanne Harrington: England has gone psychotic – so can it topple itself?

"...the UK is now the kind of place that it would traditionally invade in the name of human rights..."

Picture this. A windswept hill, driving rain. Two women and an old banger of a car. One holding a large plastic bottle, formerly containing chilli, which has had its broad end cut off with a kitchen knife, and a length of garden hose gaffer taped inside the pouring end to make a workable funnel. Like a bong.

The other woman holds a container sloshing with five litres of rare and precious liquid. Petrol. It splashes all over her hands as she tips the homemade bong into the car’s empty tank. Careful now. If this doesn’t work, the only other option is mouth-to-hose.