“Hello there, Irish Examiner readers! It’s your favorite funnyman, Colm O’Regan, back again with another column to brighten up your day.”

"We can get away with “yerra, somewhere handy” for a few years before the children start lobbying harder. But I don’t envy those who have to compete in the Authentic Destination competition."

"...then there’s ignorance where people don’t know the damage they are doing. Or people who know but don’t give a shite."

The science and sociology of a quick beep on the horn, examined

A throwaway remark in a speech at a ‘do’ brought one particular skill of father’s gently ambling into my thoughts out of the blue

"But the thing about children is, you sort of want to do nice things for them. Despite yourself. And you need to keep them occupied. And slowly as the two have become hardier, the activities have crept in."

I love Cheap Irish Homes... some of those prices are at 1998 or ‘Currently Owned By The Criminal Assets Bureau’ levels

And there are the scammers. Preying on our tendency to not look at things properly. The text message that you think is coming from the bank. The shnakiest of all.

I’m not calling for the replacement of all roads with twisty paths and automated toll-booths with imp-guarded stiles but listening to simple tales of an imaginary time before notifications and alerts is good for the blood pressure when some gobshite is up your hole on the road

I don’t know what it is about February 14, but we always seem to find ourselves knee-deep in the gore of people who were once human but are now a threat to our survival