Let's make your choices easier with some AI-themed Christmas presents that, if they don’t exist yet, they should.

Us Colms are being pushed out of our habitats by Calum — or constantly mispronounced as Colin, Cullen, or Colon (always a pain in the hole when I hear that)

"Every so often you turn on the telly and there’s a new one. A TG4 children’s channel, great! How long has Sky News been there? Another TV3 one arrived a while ago. TV3 Four."

"I love the whole ceremony. It is VERY cute when a very small human knocks at your door and then forgets their lines."

'Nearly 14 years on a website. Isn’t that weird? The entire length of a primary and secondary education'

"1992 school computers were impenetrable to hackers because they used to just stop working all the time. For no reason, as if they didn’t feel like it."

What will it learn from my novels? That “I will in my hole” means “I won’t”?

My cuddly toys are a cast of characters assembled slowly over years of Santa visits.

"Farts are simply funny. And here I am like some stuffed shirt, dead-inside, repressed out of touch, brown-suited headmaster telling this cherub she can’t continue to perform beautiful music."

"Greatest of all Time discussions really get my goat. I don’t mind finding the Greats. We’ve always liked that. Eamon Dunphy entered the public imagination in the mid-80s with his discussion on whether Platini (no) was a great player (no)."