Colm O'Regan: Time for 'what businesses can learn from the Olympics'

Comedian and Irish Examiner columnist Colm O'Regan pictured in Cork. Picture Denis Minihane.

We are out the other end of the Olympics. (And, in the case of the Seine swimmers, the Olympics is out the other end of them.) The next stage is, ‘What Can We Learn From the Olympics For Life?’

A recent article talked about what Irish athlete Sharlene Mawdsley’s attitude to defeat teaches us about improving cattle herd fertility. I don’t know enough about either herd fertility or 400m running to comment. There’s no doubt farming is a modern octathlon: Sprinting, hammer throwing (or losing one in a field), hurdling (ditches), fencing, rowing (with your neighbour over fencing), rhythmic gymnastics (dosing cattle), shooting (crows) and rugby sevens against Fiji (herding yearlings).

LinkedIn is a favourite location for attempting to draw parallels between sport and business. There will be a post about 10 lessons we can learn for our B2C Wheelhouse Pivot from Surinam’s synchronised swimming team.

It was ever thus. Ex-rugby internationals at corporate events can tell the audience that it’s at the base of a ruck you can learn the lessons that can also be applied to call centres. So, I’m giving it a go.

Here are my eight Olympics Lessons For Business.

1 You need the right equipment. The South Korean silver medallist shooter, Kim Ye-ji, with her cool, steampunk cyborg glasses taught us that you need the right gear to succeed. CEOs, are you equipping your staff with cool-enough glasses?

2 You don’t need the right equipment. The Turkish silver medallist shooter, Yusuf Dikec, with his specsavers glasses, taught us that you don’t need the right gear to succeed. CEOs, are you over equipping your staff with too-cool glasses?

3 Hit people and then avoid getting hit. Kellie Harrington teaches us that you need to hit hard and then not get hit in return as much. Senior executives: What’s your plan if you get hit? Do you have a southpaw stance? Have you a Georgian to give you advice?

4 Winning and losing doesn’t matter if you can lift someone high over your head. This is the lesson that the Irish women’s sevens team can teach us. When Erin King lifted Emily Lane high over her head to catch a kickoff, the whole world went nuts and forgot the results. If a company has to report very bad news to the stock market, it would serve them well to lift someone very high over their head to and maybe people won’t notice the Other Thing.

5 It’s the things you least expect that trip you up. Business can prepare and prepare for all sorts of eventualities. French pole vaulter Anthony Ammiriti knocked over the bar with his willy. So when faced with a challenge, you need to ask yourself: Are my bits sticking out? Ok, yeah, as a metaphor, I suppose, but actually do a quick visual check as well.

6 Are you swimming in poo? After the Seine, the C-Suite team need to touch base with their staff on a regular basis: Does the place smell of sewage?

Studies show that companies who are swimming in water with sewage in it perform up to 30% less than companies who are adequately chlorinated.

7 Take the piss. Rower Paul O’Donovan teaches us a lesson when talking to the media. Take the piss. Like, all the time. Have a sort of a smile on the corner of your mouth. In general, be Very West Cork about the whole thing.

8 Sweat-wipers are vital. Every role is important. The person who wipes the sweat from the badminton court can be the difference between a medal and none. At the start of the meeting, ask who’s wiping up the sweat? If the project is not that sweaty then you need to ask: Why not? Are your team working hard enough?