CLODAGH FINN: I’m too long in the tooth to worry about whitening

You’re the odd one out if you don’t have American film-star teeth; big, white and straight like the newly painted lines of a zebra crossing, writes Clodagh Finn.

Smile? You must be joking. Like the six in ten people who this week told pollsters they found it hard to smile, I, too, am inclined to skip the grin and just bear it.

Healthcare retailers Superdrug found that 66% of people were too stressed to smile. And yes, there’s a lot to be solemn about, but the reason I’m afraid to open my mouth, these days, is not stress but fear I’ll out myself as an unreconstructed female; one who hasn’t quite cottoned on to the fact that dazzling white teeth are the new, oh I don’t know, all-over spray tan/shoes/must-have accessory.