Strange and cynical Infantino monologue was an utterly wretched spectacle

Infantino spoke for an hour and a half in total. At times the spectacle was so captivatingly grotesque you didn’t want to breathe or cough for fear of breaking the magic.

FIFA President Gianni Infantino during the FIFA Technical Study Group presentation at the Main Media Centre ahead of the FIFA World Cup 2022 in Qatar. Picture date: Saturday November 19, 2022. PA Photo. See PA story WORLDCUP FIFA. Photo credit should read: Nick Potts/PA Wire.

An hour into his own pin-drop monologue, delivered from the stage of the vast, tiered amphitheatre of Doha’s main media centre, Gianni Infantino rose unexpectedly in his seat and spread his arms in crucifixion pose, wrists cocked, head tilted tenderly to one side. “You can crucify me. I’m here for that. Don’t criticise anyone. Don’t criticise Qatar.” And in that moment it became clear what we were watching. Here he is: Football Jesus. Behold for He walks among us.

Does Football Jesus not bleed for you? Does He not accept medals from Vladimir Putin on your behalf? Like Actual Jesus, is He not (not literally) struck down (not actually struck down) by the stones (not real stones) of the unjust, the heretical, the human rights charities?