Terrace Talk: Firmino’s beginning to resemble a striker now

I’d like to know what the odds were for a 1-0 away win. Probably the same as other teams’ 5-5 draws.

That makes four clean sheets in 2017, two against Plymouth, so forgive me for not predicting a bone-dry defensive future.

People whine about the need for a hero. They become shriekier than Bonnie Tyler about it. They seem to blame Sakho’s absence for shipping so many goals. I’ll break this gently; we did that when he was here, and I don’t need calculus to prove it either.

Is he better than what we’ve been playing there this season? There’s a case for that but we’ve used Lucas sometimes so is that really a valid argument?

The lad’s been playing to the gallery lately, making out all he did was turn up late for training. Er, what about the failed drugs test? Oh yeah, that old thing…

Fans take to a player in baffling ways. He cuts your granny’s throat, it’ll turn out she provoked him. Denied him a sweet from her giant Quality Street tin, spat on her hankie and cleaned his face, that sort of thing.

Klopp never seems to stop talking himself, so it’s funny he has to bite his lip about Sakho till blood spurts. We’ll need the fee, y’see.

Money rules the game, to the extent a manager can’t let rip about one of his own players. Except the Spesh and Luke Shaw, obviously; the exception that always proves the rule.

We’d have probably lost that final to Sevilla anyway but you can’t deny Sakho could have given us a chance.

Considering what he’d done it might have been a good idea for him to keep his head down and not antagonise the manager more than he already had. Not much need for restraint, your modern footballer.

Why’s everyone arguing anyway? Give Klopp a hundred players and they’d all be in sick bay soon enough.

Spurious achievement it may be but the ‘battle’ for top four does at least get Liverpool fans checking other results. You can grow accustomed to ignoring everybody else. It’s pretty relaxing, actually.

Now you must feign detachment, pretend you knew all along Southampton wouldn’t give City a game, tell anyone who’ll listen that United’s win even gives us a chance to catch Chelsea — then clutch such well-worn straws as “it’s what WE do that counts”. Which usually means we’re fucked, but so far so good.

Lovren claimed all the games were “cup finals” now. Klopp must have winced. Have you seen his record? Albion are often awkward customers, under Pulis triply so. I went to two games there in the early ‘Noughties’ (urgh) and the combined score was 11-0. Those days sadly are gone. The nil seemed especially archaic — until yesterday’s flashback.

After casting aspersions on our defence it would be the noble thing to admit you’re wrong but frankly it helped that Albion played like Plymouth — as if they thought there’d be a lucrative replay if they just dug in and did nothing.

Pulis is one of that thankfully rarer breed; sultans of survival who scrape enough points to keep their boss’s nose in the trough for another year.

‘Neutrals’ can mutter about how Liverpool hardly ever broke them down, conveniently forgetting this was the team in eighth place, at home, against a side that’s already conceded 40. You’d have a go, wouldn’t you? I’m not complaining, obviously. At least Firmino’s beginning to vaguely resemble a striker now.

The ground was often deadly silent. You can mock, particularly fans who come to Anfield and ask “is this a library?” but actually you feel sorry for them. Can you imagine having to watch that every week? I can’t, and thankfully don’t have to.

People claiming an ugly win for Liverpool forget the ugliness was all one way. At least we won’t have to face anything like that again. Who we got next? Allardyce?

Damn.