Terrace Talk: Man United - Hard to ignore we’ve become awfully boring

Politicians’ stock answers usually make us all groan but I’ve always had a soft spot for one occasionally heard: “I’m not even going to dignify that with a response”.

It’s magnificently snotty, but also effective, in that the questioner has nowhere to go with a follow-up. Yesterday’s massively anti-climactic snorefest of a Manchester derby was bad enough to make me now bark: “I’m not even to dignify that with a report”. Are you going to question my judgment? No, of course not: you’re an Examiner reader, and thus by definition must possess the intelligent civility to acknowledge I am justified.

As I struggled to stay awake yesterday — as hard a task as keeping the drooping eyelids unfrozen during the Moscow match on Wednesday — my mind drifted back to watching ex-player-turned-telly-heart-throb Jermaine Jenas on BBC TV’s Football Focus the day before.