Terrace Talk: Man United: A reminder changes are needed next season

Last week, when sounding a warning note about the next fence in United’s so-called ‘easy run-in’, I doomed: “In football as in life: never drop your guard when approaching the city of the damned.” What a joyless told-you-so this is.

In the style of ‘Blue Peter’, I already had my possible excuses prepared for this intro, as this column had to be hastily assembled soon after the whistle: no Carrick; Rooney having to adapt; Fellaini liable to be overcome by the occasion; bench options undermined by poor form or indifference.

What you can’t prepare for, of course, is abject defensive howlers and blatantly incorrect refereeing decisions. Throw all the above into the pot, and you have the perfect recipe for a multi-layered shit sandwich.

One thing I did get wrong last week, by the way, was the wistful expectation that Everton’s support would remind us of what a great old traditional club they are. Pah. What a woeful performance from the School of Science’s pupils, who even at three-up were being embarrassingly drowned out by another magnificent display from United’s travelling choir. Boys against men — in one department, at least. Also cheering to note: the surprisingly widespread feeling amongst United fans at half-time that, even two-down, we were half-expecting a comeback. That’s how we often felt during the best part of the Fergie years — it’s a never-say-die emotion we have sorely missed.

Sadly for us, Van Gaal’s oft-displayed flair for mid-match change-arounds deserted him, and the second half was actually worse. If you’ve been buying shares in either Falcao or Di Maria this past week, in the wake of fanciful press stories about revived hopes for their Old Trafford futures, you had every reason to be fingering your wallet ruefully at full-time.

Much has been made of Di Maria’s new ‘Number 7’ tattoo possibly indicating ongoing loyalty to The Shirt but, to many of us, it seems the numeral is more likely to refer to the Parisian arrondissement he’d like to be living in come August.

Still, the afternoon served one valuable purpose — reminding Ed Woodward that he WILL need to spend that fabled ‘war chest’ this summer. To be fair, no-one seems to have been under any illusion that United’s spring offensive might have changed some fundamentals e.g. that we need a proper full-back, not the stand-in Valencia, or that we cannot hope for an ageing, creaking Carrick to carry the central load alone for 50 games next season. The conventional wisdom remains exactly as it was before Chelsea: a defender, a midfielder, an attacker and, probably, a goalkeeper will be the bare minimum required.

The remaining quartet of games now warrants a slightly warier eye, having offered Liverpool the merest glint of a hope that there may yet be a proper chase to be had for one of the four top spots. Regrettably, all four remaining opponents will likely have something to play for, with our final match in particular being one from which we would like to avoid needing something.

Brucey’s Hull will surely frenziedly kick us around their park if they need that final point for survival.

In the meantime, never mind the summer transfer speculation for a while, anyway. The only name worth looking out for in the headlines for the next couple of weeks will be Carrick’s— nestling next to the word “back”.

And finally, if you will indulge me: this past week did produce one magnificent moment that should have lifted the spirits of any true football fan: FC United of Manchester’s promotion to the Conference North. The fans’ club’s 10th anniversary is three weeks away, and the new ground’s gala opening a fortnight later.

I hope to see some of you there...